Bork Slowly Borking

 Slept a lot this weekend. Dehydrated. And by sleeping a lot I mean more than 13 hours per day. Sleeping life away. Went for a walk on Sunday. Warm sun. Freezing wind. Athena is struggling quite a bit. Shot tomorrow. Going to talk to the vet about either a) increasing the shot frequency or b) getting a little something extra meds wise to cover the librela wearing off My lovely old lady, soaked to the bone. Happy. I am happy for her. Also a horrible sadness stalks me about her age and losing her. I try to ignore it.

 Slowww sticky day today. Today it's mostly a mental health issue. Not withstanding the usual clown car of physical bullshit going on in the background. Didn't want to get up today. Had no reason to get up today. Everytime I woke up I was tired as hell. No joy, no plans, no need, no one cares. Just. Go back to sleep. And oblivion. But sleep is a tricky thing for me these days. It can just as easily fuck me up as help. Work laptop broke yesterday. It's been increasingly shitty for a while. The power input went bad on me again. Third time. And as ever I replaced it. Except this time on opening, I found out why the laptop sometimes hasn't been closing right. Broken hinge. Right on the power input. Which makes the power input wiggle and fucks it up even faster than it usually does. Meh. Well. Ok. Then I looked at the other hinge. A big ole crack in it. Probably from the increased stress due to the other one doing no job at all. Oh. As I looked at it and wiggled it, it fina...

 Hmm. This sounds alarmingly on point. Brain fog, and related malarkey ( CFS ). Long story short. Food is worse than it was. You're fat. You don't move enough. You're stressed. Dehydrated. And inflammation is rife. And stuff like covid seems to add fuel to the fire. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qoR72-aM4mI

 Not a terrible day today. Not a great one either. But. It's ok. I had a little energy to spend 15 minutes in the garden. Out the front cut the top of my acer tree off, and out the read did a little tidying. And that was me done. Dizzy. Heart thumping. Asthma kicking in hard. Super poor cardio. Sigh. There are so many things I want to do when I get a glimmer of well being. Tidy this. Tidy that. Decorate this. Shift all that. Just. Move on a bit with my life. Everything has been on pause for years. But it is not to be. I think I'm evolving. Or that should probably be de-evolving. Into Homo Beddus. Homo Internettus. Incapable of doing shit except being in bed and possibly fucking around with computers. Perhaps my legs will drop off at some stage, and I'll just be a brain connected to a gut. I need to get swimming again. To do that, I kinda need my ass fixing. To do that, the NHS needs to not be a 2 year waiting list shit show. No holding of breath then. I need to go swimming ...

 I figured I had peaked. Slowly, slowly, my physical health state is depressing again. I've kinda noticed that pattern. It has all sorts of ups and downs. But it can also have this kinda longer up and down, and it tends not to see saw so much as more slowly rise and fall over the longer period. Within that, it spikes up and down in a 24 hour cycle. Have a crappy diagram. This is a rough approximation of what I think the pattern is. A general sawtooth, with a spiky line that follows the saw. The blue line is what it feels like to be normal. Go about your business, no lags, no concerns, no weights. Normal. I never get to that line anymore. I get close. But never get to it. On my very best of days, with the wind behind me for a few hours in a 24 hour period, I feel close to it. The green line is the overall trend, this takes place over weeks. The bits in the troughs can last for months . The slopes up and down tend to be over the course of several days, I'd take a rough guess of...

 Health has taken half a step back today. Still ok. But. Rougher. Woke up with red eyes, dark black bags under them. Uh huh. Went for a walk yesterday with Hazel. Had to stop half way around. Another migraine came in from nowhere on the left hand side. Made me feel blurp. Weird. Spacey. Pain - obviously. It passed fairly quickly. But. Eh. Yeah. Not cool. It made a return late into the evening, this time on the right hand side. Ghosted around then buggered off. My head is really not doing great lately. We related our news back and forth on the walk. Hazel once again professed the desire to "handle Andy". You need a buffer she said. I'll sort him out ! Her eyes glittered. This leans into her personality and her mental health issues. A fight. Part of her lives for a fight. It's the trauma anger monster, happy to be taken out for a just cause and unleash pain on someone else. You have to be careful around that Pandora's box. A bit like a beserker. She got what I was s...

 Maintaining some level of not terrible health at the moment. Despite the ridiculous headwinds. That being said. Another migraine ghosted around my head again last night. Everytime I strained a muscle or moved odd, my head would throb in sympathy. Fragile. High pressure. Clench your stomach muscles, and your head hurts. Hmmm. Anywho. I ate poorly, didn't drink enough, and didn't shift from the computer. It took me half way through the day before I decided to do some work. My interest was piqued, ironically enough, by chatGPT. I asked it to solve a problem I had often turned over in my head. It gave me a sensible boilerplate answer. But it made me dig deeper in the background and try somethings out workwise. Probably time I don't have to spare to be honest, but, it was pursuing best practices. As it turned out it was a day lost. I worked until 9pm at which point after going full circle I realised that the best solution was no longer feasible. Firefox had closed it off in the...