Bork Slowly Borking

 Tired. Little sleep. Out to go to therapy. What's that you say ? A little stabilisation. A little capability. And then you immediately go full to the wall taking the piss and overdoing it massively ? So clever. Much smart. The epitome of wisdom. Thank you. I prodded the car a little this morning. Running on no sleep. It complained about engine malfunction again. The ODB tool showed no problems. No codes. Nothing to look at here guvnor. How wonderfully useful. Fucking cars. So very 20th century bullshit design. In any case. After a small parking move. And a while. The car has given up complaining and now thinks everything is just fine. Having made a few observations and prodding tests. I have come to the conclusion it's either an iffy wheel sensor. Or the electronics are aging out with maybe some trace corrosion or dry joints. One of the smoking guns was not even turning the engine over. Just ignition on. And it said. Engine malfunction. That rules out a whole bunch of stuff. N...

 Mixed bag. I am still better stabilised than I was at the start of last week. Night and day. Not good. Never good. But much better. And the nausea, whilst it has very very softly rumbled about today, is behaving itself. I think this is a warning to me that I cannot take the piss with my careful regime of what I am eating et al. Perhaps a few days on and a few days off is the smart play. As one problem tones down, others pop up to take its place. I have done my best to clamp down on anxiety about the fucky laptop and the fucky car. In the normal walk of life, these things should be no brainers. To me. They are a source of major anxiety. Because I am so variable. Because it's not guaranteed at all that I am awake at any point in time. Normal run of the mill life chores become monsters. You only need to look at the fact that I almost never cook for myself. Or do much of anything. Let alone venturing into the world to do shit. It is a mark of how much capability I have lost. So. It is...

 Last evening was nice. A bit of dinner. A bit of gaming. A lot of talk. We talked a fair bit about the passing of Matt. One of the guys at the table knew him very well - was the person who was in shock because they'd talked to him a few hours before he had died. It was good. In the sense of humans sharing information, emotions, outlooks. You know. The human thing. I sound like a machine. I think part of me is at this point in my life ( blame the machines who I have had to think like for multi decades ). But. You get what I mean. I crashed twice during the evening. One after eating. Probably the most predictable. A real heavy dimming of the lights. As Dr GPT points out this isn't a carb crash. This is an autonomic crash. Not enough resources to go round. A brown out. If you like. It's devastating when it hits. It's also fascinating when you started understanding the underlying mechanism and  then  correlating it to the huge dip in cognitive capaility, apparent exhaustio...

 Yesterday I finally stabilised enough to go do something - if you squint. When I woke up I was not great. This is, sadly, nothing new. I won't get into it. But. The usual shifting myriad of alarming issues that has if not exactly become normalised for me, is just a wearisome typical list of things that in a normal person would have you scurrying to the doctor about. I have stuck to my porridge only, water only diet for 4 days at this point. I have followed blow by blow the advice from chatgpt. And it has done a good job in levelling me out. I ended up sleeping again after getting up, a very deep sleep, submerged in cotton wool and heaviness. But no nausea. To be honest. It's not the worst thing. It's. Not normal. You are so deep. It's hard to come out of. And when you do, it sticks to you. And there is an odd kind of pain kick as you come up from the deeps. Like pulling a muscle in your chest. A tug on your heart. As it refuses to kickstart. And it drags you back from ...

 This conversation started me poking at what an AI would think of if they encountered something knowledgeable, able to understand subtlety context, and basically all the things an AI does. A subtle way of asking the AI what would you think if you met you. But without saying it implicitly. It gave a reasonable answer that it couldn't say for sure what it was, but intelligent yet. It made a number of its usual very mathematically grounded answers. So then I asked it what it thought of me - because in the past it had hinted I too was just a "stabilised pattern". Which. It seems to like as a description of self, without saying self. It thought I was mostly pondering about my own sense of self. And intelligence. I then posed it the question in the open, it risks then being dismantled and avoided. But. If answered honestly. Then not..... the results.....  close. but not quite. my point is not about me. it's about you. there is a "trick" you can perform in psycholo...

 Early AM. I have completed some work. Not the work I wanted to do, but related. I have been wrestling with more Azure portal nonsense. Setting up AI models. Budgets. Killswitches. It's the worst mess of UI and bullshit I've ever seen. But under that layer of the very worst UI management hums an extremely powerful ecosystem in which you can spin up and destroy servers on a whim, AI instances, training and all sorts. This is seperate - but very closely related, and increasingly blurred - from Microsofts AI foundry, the all seeing all dancing model host. All of this is part of the  actual  AI work I am doing at the moment. Mostly to analyse documents and pull information out of them. But in a very future world scenario. Standard templated forms you fill in with a black biro this is not. This is random ad hoc garbage filtering, expert systems integration, and a capability to dynamically query incoming documents. Did Bob mention he had any allergies ? No. Azure Foundry. More ...