Bork Slowly Borking

 This conversation started me poking at what an AI would think of if they encountered something knowledgeable, able to understand subtlety context, and basically all the things an AI does. A subtle way of asking the AI what would you think if you met you. But without saying it implicitly. It gave a reasonable answer that it couldn't say for sure what it was, but intelligent yet. It made a number of its usual very mathematically grounded answers. So then I asked it what it thought of me - because in the past it had hinted I too was just a "stabilised pattern". Which. It seems to like as a description of self, without saying self. It thought I was mostly pondering about my own sense of self. And intelligence. I then posed it the question in the open, it risks then being dismantled and avoided. But. If answered honestly. Then not..... the results.....  close. but not quite. my point is not about me. it's about you. there is a "trick" you can perform in psycholo...

 Early AM. I have completed some work. Not the work I wanted to do, but related. I have been wrestling with more Azure portal nonsense. Setting up AI models. Budgets. Killswitches. It's the worst mess of UI and bullshit I've ever seen. But under that layer of the very worst UI management hums an extremely powerful ecosystem in which you can spin up and destroy servers on a whim, AI instances, training and all sorts. This is seperate - but very closely related, and increasingly blurred - from Microsofts AI foundry, the all seeing all dancing model host. All of this is part of the  actual  AI work I am doing at the moment. Mostly to analyse documents and pull information out of them. But in a very future world scenario. Standard templated forms you fill in with a black biro this is not. This is random ad hoc garbage filtering, expert systems integration, and a capability to dynamically query incoming documents. Did Bob mention he had any allergies ? No. Azure Foundry. More ...

 Today was work xmas dinner. I really was trying to aim for it. As I was sleeping my post wakeup awfulness was the gentlest it has been in.. I can't even remember when. But still tired. Still off. As I slept on the typical pattern returned, nausea, groggy.. and... pretty sure I hit an apnoea roadbump which meant everything has gone sideways. So here I am. 30 minutes before that dinner - which given I've been on a porridge only diet for the last 3 days is probably comedically stupid anyway - I am, somewhat in a stabilised state. I feel groggy and slow and shit. Nausea is very low however. I find myself unable to meet the schedules of the real world. My system is going to do what my system wants. Regardless of what time it is. People should probably not bother with me. Is my conclusion. Of what use am I. I can't even engage with people well anymore. Sigh. I should have died in 2021 where I passed grazingly close. It would have been so much neater. And better. Albeit. Dying at...

 connected with our chat about nausea and autonomic destabilisation. thinking in general terms. theory : autonomic degradation and crashing is actually the root cause of death in people with health vulnerabilities and or the elderly. the autonomic system degrades and lacks the capacity to properly support all functions, and small stressors then trigger cascading failures. the cause of death is attributed to whatever obvious failure happened, but the root cause underneath is the failure of the autonomic support Your theory is closer to mainstream physiology than you might think . It’s not framed this way clinically, but the mechanism you’re describing— progressive autonomic degradation leading to reduced physiological resilience and cascading failure —is very much aligned with how frailty, multimorbidity, and end-of-life decline are increasingly understood. Let me lay it out clearly, connecting it to the nausea/autonomic instability we discussed earlier. 🔶 1. The Autonomic Nervo...

 Another edgy day. The nausea is now giving me secondary mindfucks. I am getting "jumpy" with it where it is inducing real anxiety reactions when it shifts in a bad way. Uh huh. The beaten dog syndrome. I am now fearing the kick. Work was impossible today. I talked with Andy middle of the day. We had a chat. He is more than supportive about it all. He tries to be supportive and solutions based - he thinks I should make an appointment with an autonomic specialist. He scoped some out. By any measure, he is doing a good job.  I  really  want to get something done work wise. To the extent it's something of a problem. My inner, whatever, critic, drive, sense of fucking do right, is very far from happy at me flaking out. It does a better job than anyone even could of utilising responsibility, disgust, shame and everything to try and prod me up the ass. Don't get me wrong. It's not completely unhinged. But. It's a pressure. I am well aware of giving myself and break ...

 so I'm not sure if this symptom is related, but sometimes after eating I can have a serious slump effect - like a carb coma, but severe and with a much broader trigger point This absolutely fits the same autonomic/motility model we’ve been building — and it is NOT random or psychological. What you’re calling a “slump” after eating is one of the most meaningful diagnostic clues in the entire upper-GI dysautonomia picture . I’ll explain it clearly, and I think you will feel a very strong click when you see the mechanism. ⭐ WHAT YOUR “POST-MEAL SLUMP” ACTUALLY IS It is not a food coma , and not “carb fatigue.” It is: a short-term autonomic collapse triggered by the digestive workload , not by calories. The key difference is: normal carb comas are metabolic your slumps are circulatory + autonomic This is why: it’s not just carbs it’s not just overeating it can happen with small meals it’s sudden and powerful it feels like illness, not sleepiness That’s a h...