Oct 11
Exhausted. I had a bit of energy yesterday to play some games, did too much, exhausted out. Today I am having trouble just getting out of bed. Stomach is off again with the same old shit. It never really goes away, it just simmers down a bit, and then rises back to a bad constantly nauseous kind of place again. Tired of it all. I find myself not being able to stay out of bed for very long. I have to sleep. Even if it's just an hour. It resets something. And I get a little bit of energy. More often than not it burns out in 20 minutes. And leaves me back to square one, either having to slog through exhaustion, or just return to sleep. I wish it would end, one way or the other. The purgatory inbetween is utter shit. I have to confess. Every night. I think about that knife. Slicing open my arm. Despite me knowing better, it gives me a tiny bit of comfort before I sleep. Just. Finish it. Do it. No more exhaustion. I think about the practical hurdles. Stupid stuff. How easy ...