Posts

Oct 17

 I am taking it beyond slow today. Sleeping. And more sleeping. And doing very little. I can feel my batteries are low, and, resting barely gives any charge back at all. But it does help the tiniest bit. Slowly. This is of course what they say CFS is about. Your batteries are permanently low, and, they don't recharge. That description feels absolutely apt at the moment. I can feel my energy levels, and how even with a solid 12 to 14 hours of sleep, the needle barely moves up. Conversely, act ballpark normal for an afternoon and the batteries drain flat. Tricky. Last night I opted for an ibuprofen. The pains were particularly bad. So. Fuck it. I am taking an ibuprofen. It makes a difference. It takes the edge of the pains. I think with a sustained dose it does better, but I am loathe to continually munch on ibuprofen unless I absolutely have to ( ie, killer gout ). Despite being in hardcore rest mode today, I am not in a comfortable spot. This is the ironic rub of me having all this
Post a Comment
Read more

Oct 16

Image
 Exhausted. As much as I hate to admit it, I am going backwards again, struggling to maintain energy, tired, slow to warm up, riddled with the mystery all over pains. Possibly it could be because I've been "overdoing it". Which is bullshit. But. I went into the city on Sunday for glasses and late lunch. And then repeated the trick on Monday despite feeling tired, because I needed to get out and get things done and yada blah. Monday evening I crashed out hard. Yesterday I hardly stirred until the sun went down. And today I have spluttered into awful functionality through gritted teeth and compelled by an "interesting problem to solve". This evening I feel like I've been run over by a truck. I wish I knew a consistent trick to hit a painless day. A day where I wake up feeling a bit better. With a bit of energy. It is very frustrating to have a sample of one or two of those days in a six month period, know that it's at least possible, but then never have i
Post a Comment
Read more

Oct 14

 I am fighting to stay on the slightly better side of shit. I have a tiny bit more energy. A tiny bit more capability. Versus sleep dragging me down. Pains. The usual. It's a battlefield at the moment. Yesterday I got my eyes retested. You don't need an eye test for another year they said. They said that last year too.  I have got somewhat used to my eyes just being shit these days. Bad at short. Bad at mid. Bad at long. Glasses are a problem for me now, with a single pair, or even multiple pairs just never being right. Shit at everything. My long range glasses are probably the best of the bunch, and do an acceptable job of giving me long range vision. But it really is long range vision. Anything closer than a meter becomes a blur. Short and mid range is problematic with any glasses. So. I had had enough again, figured I would see if I could get a new pair of glasses, another attempt to fix shitty sight. As it turned out my eyes had indeed changed. Short range had got worse. No
Post a Comment
Read more

Oct 11

 Took Hazel home yesterday. She faffed about a bit as per usual, organising anything with her is an excercise in patience. Often it's just best to ignore it, do something else, until she says she's absolutely ready, and then, wait another 30 minutes. I think she has got worse over the years. Yesterday she loaded her suitcase, put Poppy in the back of the car, just need to get another bag. And then proceeded to disappear for 10 minutes. It's bonkers. I have no clue what she does. Goes inside and stares at the wall. I don't think she has an appreciation - or care - that people are waiting on her. She was worse when she left for the States. That was teeth grindingly bad, watching her put the trash out whilst I waited in the car with my thumb up my ass. Eh well. She actually asked if I would be ok in response to me saying the house would be empty without Poppy. Ah ha. Now you think to ask ? So I briefly explained, part of the cost of me looking after Poppy would mean that
Post a Comment
Read more

Oct 8

 Not wheat. As time progresses my nights are getting worse. Pains all over, bad eyes, gout flares. And then during the course of a morning they slowly get better but leave me partially exhausted. Rinse and repeat. This could be the gout meds I am on. Or not. Maybe it's just par for the course. At times I am feeling a bit better in the day overall. And then at night a lot worse.  Up, down, up, down. Being work functional for a given day is hard. Other news. My brother popped in for a cup of tea on Sunday. Extremely rare - no skip that - almost unprecedented ( I think he has done this a single time before ). My sister in laws daughter now lives in Norwich, and they had been visiting. It would have been rude not to visit said my brother. Uh huh. Formerly she used to live about 7 mile outside of Norwich. So. Not exactly far then either. Eh well. It was nice to see him. Hazel is still here at the moment. I gently brought up the subject of going home this week to her as of last evening.
Post a Comment
Read more

Oct 6

 The gout has very slowly receded. As of today, at it's best it's just about gone. A little stiffness and pain if I flex the big toe, but otherwise good. But within the course of a 24 hour period it goes up and down, and of course, it gets worse overnight. As does everything else. Also despite of late minimising or keeping off wheat, I have endured pains all over and general bullshit. And the final killer. Against my better wisdom, I ate another pizza yesterday - to no greater ill effect. So. Either the wheat thing is and off and on again thing. Or it's a threshold thing. Or it's a red herring. Hard to say. This however being the umpteenth time there has been a suspect reaction to typically bread, or sometimes pasta, leads me to believe there could be something there, but, it's intermittent. Hazel has arrived back from the US as of a few days ago. She is staying here for the moment. Whilst I did just want to usher her home, I have not particularly felt the need to,
Post a Comment
Read more

Sep 30

 Because I am a genius level intellect, instead of avoiding wheaty products as I said I would, for convenience, I have continued eating them despite me suspecting they may be a major contributing factor in me feeling shit. Smart. I am feeling more shit than ever. Very smart. It does serve one decent purpose however. The difference between how I am feeling now, and how I was feeling a handful of days earlier is like night and day. And furthermore I can tell you the differences. Overnight there is a massive change. It feels like I puff up overnight. All my muscles ache and are in pain ( this despite being on anti inflammatories ! ). Everything feels weirdly... inflated. My eyes are worse. I feel sluggish and heavy everywhere. It feels like being under very heavy cotton wool. It makes me want to sleep for longer. I don't feel refreshed after sleeping. And I am very very slow once I am awake to shake it off - in fact I don't really shake it off, I just manage to shake enough of it
Post a Comment
Read more