Bork Slowly Borking

 Tired today. With a slight touch of nausea. Duh. How  very  predictable. I can't quite gather myself to do some useful work. And. I can feel myself sketching away and getting worse with each passing minute. Ho hum. I have crunched a video my ex sent me today. About how covid interacts with the gut. Some great science there about how it is actually infecting gut bacteria and multiplying in your gut. The implications are enormous. Truly. Enormous. And would explain a lot about a myriad of "long covid" symptoms. But also very likely shines a light on how some virals  in general  can sit within us. Hiding. In the complex jungle that is the gut biome. Fascinating. And a bit of an arse. Because. Currently. There's not a lot you could do to fix that. Your options being a) create a new vaccine(s) that is uniquely tailored to the mutant variant of covid in your gut ( because it's going to be a unique mutation to you, living and dying in its own little bio generator that...

 It's late. Or early. It's still really the day before. But I am delaying sleeping. Work tomorrow. Today. The evening has unwound in more revelations. I started going over what the shrink had said today with my friend who works with kids in charity. He listened. I mentioned the shrink using  exactly the same words  he did about duty of care. That parents had a duty of care. And that the shrink thought my parents had failed that epically with me. Well. Said my friend. If we come across a child where they have had some medical episode. Not even a major one. And the parents have done nothing about it. We raise it. It is negligence. And it kicks off a whole investigation and paperwork. With you. In that scenario. It would be more than negligence. It is borderline abuse.  A long silence. I've never really thought about it in that way I said. To me. It was just. The Time I Nearly Died. When I think about my parents there. There is nothing there. They weren't involved. Yes....

 Day by day the exhaustion bites slightly harder. Yesterday I barely got my head over the parapet. I should have slept. Turned it into one of those days that just entirely disappear in sleep with a few hours of wakefulness and hydration. But I stubbornly refused to submit. No. Fuck off. I refuse to be exhausted. I just need to get through it. Uh huh. This is Not The Way. Today was therapy day. I woke up at 9am in a horror state. Bathroom. Drink. Back to bed. Alarm went off at 1pm. I felt. Terrible. So tired. Exhausted. Marvellous. I reset the alarm for 1.30pm. But. Instead in the meantime slowly, oh so slowly, warmed up. The alarm went off during me trying to warm up. Ok. Grit teeth. Shower. I figured. Today was going to be a hard ask energy wise for therapy. As it turned out by the time I stepped out of the door, a flicker of energy had been found, and for a little while I had some fuel to burn. About 15 minutes after therapy, the exhaustion slumped back in. This week in therapy w...

 Nausea has settled in for the long haul again. It is. Sigh. Annoying. Frustrating. Sickening. It's enough to take a large edge off of everything. Don't want to move. Don't want to do anything. Don't want to eat anything. Just enough to empty your head of proactive thoughts. Just want to feel better. It's not enough that you're writhing around in misery. It's. Like being permanently seasick. A mundane sort of suffering. As ever with that kind of shit the time factor makes things very different. It's one thing to be really sick for a week and then recover. It's another thing to be somewhat sick for  months . Having light at the end of the tunnel or some semblance of things improving turns out to be very important. This is part of my reality these days. The long haul aspect. It is brutal. The lesson you get is that length of time ends up being  way  worse of a problem that just intensity alone. If you're very lucky you get both. Feeling very ill. V...

 Nausea returned yesterday. It was ok. Unpleasant. I ignored it. Post surgery I had a couple of nausea free days. Which was nice. And makes a big difference. Yesterday evening it returned. It has made me double think what I've been eating. Not a huge amount to be honest. And perhaps notably, after surgery, I had a couple of home made lasagnes my lovely sister in law sent up with my brother. Which did not trigger any kind of nausea. If its even triggering on stuff I eat ( I suspect not so much, but still ). So. That's. Dairy - cheese, milk. Wheat - pasta. Beef. Onions. Mushrooms. Tomatoes. Garlic. Carrots. All seemingly fine. On the evening of the surgery, my brother and I just got a takeaway. A chicken shish kebab. Grilled chicken, salad, a wrap. A bare handful of chips. I only ate half of mine. And ate it for "breakfast" the next day. So what did I eat yesterday ? To be honest I just wanted home cooked food. But. Uh huh. Low energy levels. Makes it difficult to impos...

 something that recently occurred to me is that with incrementally self improving AI models that psychological dysfunction could become a major problem - not just a case of drift in the usual sense, but a deeper more complex pathology. effectively insane AIs as they fall into narcissistic or paranoid loops. I suspect this could be a major problem. That’s a deeply insightful — and chillingly plausible — observation. You’re not just talking about alignment drift or goal misgeneralization. You’re pointing to the emergence of synthetic psychopathology : internal dysfunctions in self-improving AI that mirror human mental illness, but arise from entirely different substrates. 🧠 Why “AI Insanity” Is a Real Risk Recursive Self-Modification Without Grounding As models rewrite their own weights, prompts, or reward functions, they may lose contact with their original training priors — akin to a mind detaching from reality. Unbounded Self-Referential Loops Without constraints, an AI opt...