Posts

Dec 27

 Managed to pee the bed today. Excellent work. I can't remember the last time I did this. I'm pretty sure I have done this in the past, but, so long ago, can't remember it. Personally. I find these kind of things funny rather than anything else. Inconvenient mostly. But. I am sanguine about it. There is a long standing conversation between me and Hazel about a related thing. My "philsophical" point is this. Everyone  will shit their pants at least once in their life. It is. Like. A rite of passage. A human experience badge. Whatever. Hazel is horrified at this idea. That this isn't true. And she has never done that. I am just weird. My reply is she hasn't done it  yet . That just means she is due. ( comedically, not to get to into it, she came  close  this year. See. I said. When she revealed her state. Sometimes. Shit happens. She continued to refute my point. So far she has a "clean sheet". ). It's a good natured funny debate. It comes up o...
Post a Comment
Read more

Dec 26

 Rough again today, but not as rough as the day before. I dragged myself upright for just after 11am, and ticked off the things I needed to do - check over my brother in laws PC. check over my nephews PC. figure out what to do about the car. Go home. Or not. I decided to get the PC checking out of the way. Half groggy and backwards. At least that way. I could then allow myself to wax and wane with my bullshit without worrying too much about anyone else. I did also make some plans to meet up with a work colleague this Christmas. He was keen on having a chat. But. It wasn't going to be doable. The shit car, my shit health just made that a bridge too far. As I sorted out the PCs methodically I started to crash, and, nice, here comes the nausea. It has been on the down low for a few days, but here it was making a return. Finished what I needed to do, went back to my brothers and crashed out. And slept super deep. And super wrapped up in the smothering exhaustion. On the one hand. This ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Dec 25

 Christmas day was an effort. The Bullshit was crushing me. But I readied myself. Slowly. Horribly. There was a single moment there, sat on the sofa. Paused. Paused to let the ship settle. Everything is shit. Waiting to put my socks on. And a wave of emotion came up, tears in my eyes. This is too hard. This is all too hard. I can hardly fucking sit upright without crashing. I calmed myself. Struggled on, got out the door. Into the car. Dead. The car had this time collapsed completely. No engine turnover at all. Battery was ok - radio came on. But the car itself was dead. Terrific. I called Andy, he then headed out to pick me up instead, and instead of returning to my brothers I went to wait at my sisters.  My brain was not fully in gear. Gaps. Slow. Speech measured and filled with interruptions. My brother in law decided to run an ODB tester over the car. By that time Andy had turned up. We checked it out. This time the car was fine - but, the ODB revealed the errors. Somethin...
Post a Comment
Read more

When you can do nothing else...

 Pressure test your ideas with the thinking machines. Summary - narrative is king. Repeatedly. Demonstrably. Over and over. Particularly relevant in a post truth world. If you know this. You can do something with this. This is not the same as propaganda. It is to propaganda, what a sledgehammer painted in neon hot pink with an akward grip is to a fine chisel that sits effortlessly in your hand. You can lever the world with a bit of long term narrative building that bypasses self identity defences. No one is doing this. Governments  can't  do this. Everyone else is herding cats. The world as a whole is  structurally rudderless. And without stating it - desperate for meaning which it finds by stampeding after the latest viral hit. But there is no substance there.   Anyway. Talking to myself in a mirror again in 3,2,1.... ( and all of this really from the many years long itch I have to write something cool but also underhand thoughtful. sci fi. basically. but with...
Post a Comment
Read more