Bork Slowly Borking

 Last few days have been horrible. Yesterday was the worst. Given everyday has been a hardcore exhaustion day I decided not to even bother yesterday and planned to take it super easy and sleep a lot. A left hand headache ghosted around the front of my head again. The same kind of headache again. I slept it off. And woke up feeling awful. Groggy. Foggy. Befuddled. I got up anyway and decided to chew my way through it. Perhaps it was just deep sleep that needed to be waded through. Did a few very minor chores in the kitchen and then spent an hour playing games, felt steadily worse and came off to once again go back to sleep. Some time later the headache had shifted to the right side and stepped up, a migraine threatening to break. I took some painkillers, watched some tv, it developed into an actual migraine and once again I had to go back to sleep. At this point I had been suffering all day, and now the migraine was stomping through my head and my mood tanked. This is not living. Th...

 Reproduced vebatim from outside the paywall. https://time.com/6294762/how-covid-19-affects-brain-memory/?utm_source=pocket-newtab-global-en-GB Early in the COVID-19 pandemic, doctors started to notice something striking. For what was originally described as a respiratory virus, SARS-CoV-2 seemed to have a strong effect on the brain, causing everything from loss of taste and smell and brain fog to, in serious cases, stroke. NYU Langone Health, a New York city research hospital, started collating those anecdotes in hopes of better understanding how the virus affects the brain and nervous system. Years later, the project has morphed from focusing solely on acute symptoms to also tracking the long-term neurologic issues that some people with Long COVID experience, says program director Dr. Sharon Meropol. The list of neurocognitive issues that Meropol’s team and other researchers must track is extensive: cognitive decline, changes in brain size and structure, depression and suicidal t...

 An addition. So yesterday I went for a lie down in the meadow near me whilst Hazel and the mutts had a walk. I was ill. Treacle headed. Fuzzy. Exhausted. I watched lights dance in my eyes as I stared into the sky as I laid on my back, my new, must wear whilst out, polarised sunglasses turning the sky to grey. The lights chasing around my eyes were pretty frenetic shooting this way and that. I slowly pondered if this was a visual aura of a migraine. Or just high blood pressure. I also slowly pondered how shit I felt. Why I kept collapsing. And in between I closed my eyes. And time skipped past in the way it does for me. Nothing but a faint breeze. And the silence of the meadow. Quiet. Peace. Calm. Sometime later a thoroughly wet Poppy ran up to me and greeted me with a sloppy face lick. I didn't move. Or open my eyes. But I did say hello. And patted her. You're wet I said rather stupidly. Have you been swimming ? A few minutes later the slower Athena gave me the same treatment....

 Hazel has finally left the building, off to her Dads for a week and a bit. I have spent the day in bed. Exhausted. Hardcore. I got up at just before 10, and ended up giving Hazel a lift to the station. Came home. Noodled a little. Went to bed exhausted. And stayed that way. A bone deep horrible sluggish mind numbing exhaustion. I think my period of more energy has finally collapsed. Yesterday I could feel the drag was building. Yesterday was treacle. But I roused myself in the afternoon. Went out into the city, had dinner. But by the time the afternoon started petering out I started to feel ill. That all too familiar drained to my soles ill.  A strange half headache shifted around the left hand side of my head. The left side of my face got that slack feeling. My thoughts slowly drained. My speech slowed, then stopped. And I struggled. Hazel wanted to take the dogs for a walk - I was exhausted. But because she doesn't like walking them to a place anymore ( lazy ), we stuffed t...

 Hello blog. It's been a while. I've been busy. Well. Busy for the new normal me. Which by any standard is absolutely not busy. But for my ailing CFS ass I've been busy. Pushing things to the limit whilst trying not to super over do it and crash. With varying success. First things. I am back to work. 2 days a week. My first day back was weird. Super weird. Andy purposefully didn't give me much to do. And everyone else - including the new hire - had been made to get on with things and spread their wings. Which. Is how it should be. But it was weird. It felt like walking on eggshells. That I didn't belong. Didn't want to be there. Andy had been doing things. Making mistakes without me. Ignoring my previous advice. But in somethings had followed my example. I suppose big picture it's to be expected. But I felt super weird. I had to take stock of myself half way through the day. And try to figure out what I was feeling. Super rare for me to be in that kind of pl...

 Hmm. Time has blurred hardcore. And also so has my time off work. Perhaps. I've been active since I got back from Oxford. Kind of riding on a bit of an activity high. Resting to recover. But never fully down. Getting a few things sorted out, nothing major, but still way more active than I have been. Cleaning some. Trip to the tip. DIY. Blah. However. Inexorably. Day by day I have slowed down. Harder and harder. And this last half week has finally ground down into a stop. Yesterday I struggled to get out for a walk. And then came home wiped. Curled up on the sofa comatose. My brain stopped working. It took me a good 5 minutes to get a sentence out. They just kinda... stop. You do three words. And. You think. And nothing comes out. It's hard to explain.  When I was really ill I had this hardcore. Sentences wouldn't form. And I would get stuck. Now it's different. But I get lost in a sentence. The sentence I was trying to say was, I guess this is a hardcore CFS day. I got...