Mar 11

 Rough today. A lot of pain. And the nausea returned. Most of that was from last evening. I thought I was having a bad day, then the nausea set in, I felt ill, couldn't do shit, ended up having to sleep. Went to bed at 9pm. Didn't get up until 10am.

13 hours. Uh huh.

Today I feel distinctly under the weather. I have had worse. But it's no fun. Not good. A low level grumbly headache. A low background nausea. Both of them draining my capability to do shit.

Today I have been supposedly working. I have noodled around with a couple of things. Given some very indepth and technical advice to our senior ( which it seems has caused issues for our other senior who couldn't figure it out and didn't bother asking ). But lax day. I'm still not terribly convinced of my worth anymore. Sometimes I am better. Sometimes I am worse. Meh.

I am going to try real hard to get down to the office on Thursday. And after a chat with everyone I might bring it up with Andy. Not sure I am worthwhile. We shall see. I dunno. Heh. 

I had a slow think today. About smart people.

I know a lot of above average intelligence people. How do I know this ? Well. For one thing. Playing games systematically for a decade or more with around a thousand different people, you get to see a lot of peoples intelligence capabilities. Also as is often my role as font of stupid knowledge on all sorts of shit, you also rub shoulders with any number of people who instinctively come to you for advice or questions or whatever. Or indeed people who don't. And you get to know. Average. Below average. Above average.

I feel confident in saying that I know a lot more above average intelligence people that most people do. Because of my work. Because of my hobbies. Because of who I hang out with. Because I am in a Uni city. Blah blah blah. Some of it is self selecting. In so much as the things I like doing, well, to be frank, it helps if you're smarter than the average bear.

Anyway. Enough of the fucking couching of statements.

I can say for a fact that most smart people I know are nowhere near their potential in life. Not even close. I can think of a bare handful that are. And then the vast majority of everyone else lives in a spread of levels, from the absolute lowest of the low, to the mediocre, where all of them are operating far below their capabilities.

Some really clever people I know have jobs like. Shelf stacker. Pallet mover.

Which starts to raise some questions.

What the fuck is going on.

In a "perfect world", you'd have people that were really capable of things doing things they were... capable of. Whatever format that takes. A meritocracy. Of some fashion. As it turns out, from what I see this absolutely isn't the case.

Now I get it. I am under no illusion that the world runs on a meritocracy. You only have to take a quick glance at the leadership, or goverment, to realise well shit, that doesn't work that way.

But that being said. I would guess that those more capable would get to some level of potential fulfillment. Just through osmosis if nothing else.

But that's not the case.

In fact in some instances, those clever people can be found right at the bottom of the heap. Great minds doing the most brainless jobs. Or stuck in dysfunctional ruts.

It seems to me that as a society we are doing an absolutely terrible job at accurately seeing the potential of people. Notions of exam grades, or job experience or something seems to be doing a fantastically shit job at finding some of the more capable people and letting them reach their potential.

Some of this is no doubt due to the unequivocally Victorian approach still used for schooling and examination processes. Regurgitating boring ass facts, like some kind of blandest pub quiz in history, detailing whether you are filtered as capable or not.

And some of it I wonder is down to again, positively archaic notions of work or usefulness coming down to how well you can tolerate the most absolutely mundane fucking situations and hitting a 9 to 5, for five days a work.

But I also have to wonder just how shit the rest of it is, that a lot of very capable people are left on the road side. And, bigger picture, how much society loses out, because potentially, capable people that could push society or practices on, and contribute to the whole are not being utilised.

It's not an imposible task.

I can see those people.

If I can see those people, anyone can see those people. Or be taught what to look for.

A gathering of the waifs, strays and under achievers, into some non standardised group of variously capable or brilliant people.

I have over the years pondered a lot of this already. One of my good friends is sharp as anything. And literally gets jobs as a shelf stacker. It is. Bewildering. An oxymoron. How does someone this clever, only get to work as a shelf stacker.

There are other factors of course. Consistency, as much as I shit on the notion of hitting a 9-5 five days a week can be a very important part of Getting Shit Done. But not all things require that consistency of effort. Indeed. Some of the more creative roles are much more of a bang and bust kind of area. Prima donnas. Do something brilliant. Have a lie down for 3 days. At a societal level thats absolutely OK. You are gaining a lot for brief flares of brilliance.

It does make me wonder what I could do with a big group of clever people. People that society overlooks for one thing. But also don't get me wrong here. I'm not saying all these people are in terrible roles. Some of them are in respectable roles. A researcher. A lecturer. But when you compare that to their capabilities. Oh boy. They should be way much more than that ! And of course some, are so obviously under utilised. The smart shelf stacker. Come on. This is a no brainer.

Just an idle observation.

Also that the world in no way shape or form is dictated by a sense of "fairness". Or even logic. It's all utter bullshit and nonsense. A clown car honking its way down the road telling itself that everything works out just fine.