Jan 30

 Hmm. Symptoms have shifted around today. Rightside hearing is blown out worse. Cotton wool head. Not good. Thoughts are laggy and scattered. Dizzy. Noises make me start.

Icing on cake.

Heating buggered up sometime last night. Is now broken. 

Sense of overwhelm just about complete.

I think someone is trying to tell me something. 

I have to wait for a delivery today. I want to scream. End it. Even waiting for a delivery feels too much.

Somewhere in the back of my head the scientist looks on. Well. This is a result of permanent dimished state. If all days are bad days. Then bad luck days. Or multiple bad luck days. Are going to kill you. It's just math. This is what it means to be vulnerable. You've got to a point where you can't really look after yourself. Some of the time you can skate by. Just.

 

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