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I'm writing this as a way of keeping track of things.
Many a long year ago I kept a bit of a journal, about work, and code, and projects, and accidentally ( incidentally ? ) documented my descent into mental health hell. It was also kinda useful. For me. And others. As it turns out. Anyway. Some thing. Different tune.
I've been feeling fairly seriously physically ill of late at different times. Something is very wrong. Not sure what. The delightful NHS are their usual mix of concern, complacency, excellence, disorganisation, fuckups and currently also putting everything off to deal with the pandemic. Things are scheduled. But eh. Somewhere between now and the heat death of the universe someone might see me. And possibly be bothered. Or perhaps not.
Enough rambling.
26th May 2020 - Morning - Ill
Back to work today. I felt so rough lately I took the almost unheard of step of taking a week off. The results were mixed. Felt better in some ways. Still far from great however. But that's last week.
Today. Got up, early delivery, didn't feel too much pain in the initial dash to the door. By the time I grabbed breakfast I could feel the many aches and pains. Feels like someone has shoved a knife behind my right hand shoulderblade. Better today though. Aches all over. Knees which have been fine for months have also started complaining today. It's hard not to grunt when moving because of the pain. For the record I have been getting *lots* of aches and pains which probably started 4 or o years ago and slowly got worse. There have been a few periods in the last year where they have all miraculously gone away, only to come back again. The aches and pains follow no reasonable pattern, knees used to play up, but they are better, get aches in shoulders, legs, hips, back, muscles, joints, you name it. They get better during the day - usually - and worse during the night. For 9 months or so last year I had a major pain in my right arm - which I am pretty sure was tennis elbow. Lost strength in it, hurt at the upper muscle. But. I get similar pains in lots of other places. Just not with associated weakness.
My concern at this point is what with all the random aches and pains, the nearly passing out twice, vertigo, general unwellness, regular loss of sensation in hands and a couple of recent bouts of migraines with visual disturbances and the waves it comes and goes in that I could be suffering from MS which my mom has. I really hope not. On the... lesser shit hand... my dad has also complained a lot about mystery aches and pains which seem to come and go in his old age. Sometimes he has seemed to struggle even walking, other times he is better. I have a lot of the same issues my dad has. The docs have never got to the bottom of what is wrong with him. I think it kinda falls off their known radar. Great.
Noodled with some calculations in the morning. Mulling over some game design. Begin to feel nauseous. Slightly dizzy. Break out in a sweat and feel really ill. Get light headed. Pulse is up. Feel too hot. Uncomfortable. Ill. I grit my teeth. Some work stuff comes up. Makes me feel much worse. Ears are whistling and I am woozy. Ever since I almost collapsed twice about 2 months ago, and was carted off to hospital for horrendous BP, my ears have been whistling constantly. Sometimes more, sometimes less. The feeling is the same as I had a few months ago. But not nearly as bad. I consider that I am on the verge of needing to lie down. Again.
I chill out and try to just zen and ignore it. The feeling of unwellness slowly recedes, but doesn't go away entirely. Slightly nauseous.
I dig into work.
Despite a mildly queasy stomach most of the day, afternoon is pretty good, some wooziness, evening is good.
Many a long year ago I kept a bit of a journal, about work, and code, and projects, and accidentally ( incidentally ? ) documented my descent into mental health hell. It was also kinda useful. For me. And others. As it turns out. Anyway. Some thing. Different tune.
I've been feeling fairly seriously physically ill of late at different times. Something is very wrong. Not sure what. The delightful NHS are their usual mix of concern, complacency, excellence, disorganisation, fuckups and currently also putting everything off to deal with the pandemic. Things are scheduled. But eh. Somewhere between now and the heat death of the universe someone might see me. And possibly be bothered. Or perhaps not.
Enough rambling.
26th May 2020 - Morning - Ill
Back to work today. I felt so rough lately I took the almost unheard of step of taking a week off. The results were mixed. Felt better in some ways. Still far from great however. But that's last week.
Today. Got up, early delivery, didn't feel too much pain in the initial dash to the door. By the time I grabbed breakfast I could feel the many aches and pains. Feels like someone has shoved a knife behind my right hand shoulderblade. Better today though. Aches all over. Knees which have been fine for months have also started complaining today. It's hard not to grunt when moving because of the pain. For the record I have been getting *lots* of aches and pains which probably started 4 or o years ago and slowly got worse. There have been a few periods in the last year where they have all miraculously gone away, only to come back again. The aches and pains follow no reasonable pattern, knees used to play up, but they are better, get aches in shoulders, legs, hips, back, muscles, joints, you name it. They get better during the day - usually - and worse during the night. For 9 months or so last year I had a major pain in my right arm - which I am pretty sure was tennis elbow. Lost strength in it, hurt at the upper muscle. But. I get similar pains in lots of other places. Just not with associated weakness.
My concern at this point is what with all the random aches and pains, the nearly passing out twice, vertigo, general unwellness, regular loss of sensation in hands and a couple of recent bouts of migraines with visual disturbances and the waves it comes and goes in that I could be suffering from MS which my mom has. I really hope not. On the... lesser shit hand... my dad has also complained a lot about mystery aches and pains which seem to come and go in his old age. Sometimes he has seemed to struggle even walking, other times he is better. I have a lot of the same issues my dad has. The docs have never got to the bottom of what is wrong with him. I think it kinda falls off their known radar. Great.
Noodled with some calculations in the morning. Mulling over some game design. Begin to feel nauseous. Slightly dizzy. Break out in a sweat and feel really ill. Get light headed. Pulse is up. Feel too hot. Uncomfortable. Ill. I grit my teeth. Some work stuff comes up. Makes me feel much worse. Ears are whistling and I am woozy. Ever since I almost collapsed twice about 2 months ago, and was carted off to hospital for horrendous BP, my ears have been whistling constantly. Sometimes more, sometimes less. The feeling is the same as I had a few months ago. But not nearly as bad. I consider that I am on the verge of needing to lie down. Again.
I chill out and try to just zen and ignore it. The feeling of unwellness slowly recedes, but doesn't go away entirely. Slightly nauseous.
I dig into work.
Despite a mildly queasy stomach most of the day, afternoon is pretty good, some wooziness, evening is good.
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