Thursday

Woke up feeling considerably better than I have done in a while.

Noodle around with some work, arrange to go for a socially distanced walk with a friend in the early afternoon.

Take a walk in the sun. Sitting on the edge of the river after 20 minutes I can feel a wave of ill feeling slowly beginning to creep up on me. I need to go.

Get home, do not feel well. Feeling slowly gets worse until by 6pm and I feeling awful. I go for a nap, end up sleeping 4 hours. Wake up somewhere around 10pm. Watch a stream for a couple of hours before back to bed again.

I turn over in my mind exactly what's wrong with me. I am unsure. Is it because I've had a continually reopening bleeding wound on my ass for 9 months ? Is it some weird ass covid long tail post effect ? Is it the opening serious salvoes of MS ? Is it something else nefarious ? I am tired. I am ill. I ache. I cannot shake it. I have not been right since my trip to A & E with disastrously high BP back in Feb. My ears haven't stopped whistling. My BP returned to normal levels. But I am left washed up on some unwell shore. The unusual aches and pains that shift from place to place have been going on now for 4 years or more. I don't know. And I've run out of energy to properly think about it. I am an afterthought to the NHS. A test here. A 4 week wait. A test there. No call back. A shrugging of shoulders as nothing comes back positive. A check over by surgeons with a note that a surgery needs to be scheduled. But when that will happen - unknown. Forever. They will contact me. The months roll by.  Please just go away, the implication seems to be.

Uh huh.

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