March 26th

 Felt rough last evening. Tried to go to bed a few times early in the evening, but couldn't sleep. A vague unwellness and fizzing internals again. I felt tired and everytime I got up my head span.

Popped some paracetamol to "take the edge off". It helped a tiny bit. But not enough to get me to sleep. With resignation I decided to play a game instead. Not ill enough to be completely hopeless. Not well enough to get rest. Middle path it is then.

I had fun playing games which distracted me pretty well from my internals. Although at a few points I could feel my back crawling with ants and it pulled me out of the game experience. But. Eh. I have had worse.

Finally went to bed. Difficult. I decided to take my final mild sleeping pill. They don't seem to have much effect at the start, but make me sleep quieter.

First time in ages I slept through 8 hours. I haven't done that... since way before December.

And I feel a good deal better. Not well. Insides are still jumping and popping, and faint tingles. But. Better than yesterday. A bit stronger. Dark eyes are a little less severe.

Uh huh.

No more sleeping pills left now though. And I am super cautious about going down a route that makes me depend on them. But maybe in the short term if it helps me heal. It might be a temporary solution.

Hopefully now the days will settle down a bit. I still need to talk to my GP about a lot of stuff. Why I am still ill. That I need an MRI in a year. That I could really do with getting a definitive test about MS. That I really need the hole in my arse fixed. That I need blood tests done to check the too low white blood cell count. And whether I should accept the covid vaccine that I've been offered given my struggling system. Of course. That's "too many things" to discuss with a GP. A ridiculous setup. If you get ill with something a little complex, you immediately exceed the bandwidth capability of your local health provider. Not a health service at that point then is it. They tap out, wave the white flag, you're on your own. Good luck.

It's very clear the NHS needs a massive upheaval in how it provides some services. I 100% am for socialised health care. A human right imho. If you can help people, help people. I am 100% sure that the way the NHS is setup at the moment has massive dysfunctional black holes in it that are failing in their basic remit of providing health care - and taking oodles of money in the process to provide a very sub par offering. Not good enough.

Anyway. A little better again today. So. That's good. I am hopeful it maintains through the day.

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