Tuesday

 Feeling a bit better today. So strange. Ebbs and flows. But as the afternoon has worn on, my condition has slightly gone down. The weak legs seem to be a continual feature of late. Wobbly. Shaky. Ho hum. Mentally. Eh. I am on the edge I think.

My mind detached briefly this afternoon. Bonkers. I suddenly became hyper aware of time and your focus within it, are you focusing on getting through your work day to the evening ? The next day ? The next week ? A year ? If you look up and think of what you will do this evening. Tomorrow. Next year. 50 years. It changes entirely. At some point in there you are dead. At another point you're just looking to watch something on TV or the internets. Or going on holiday in the summer. Or are you in the moment. With each second. Depending on your focus, reality seems entirely different.

Most of those focal points ... give me serious issues. No hope, only darkness. Cheery mood again no doubt. It's a challenge keeping my mind positive and not skipping off into the night.

Yeesh. So goddamn damaged.

Didn't achieve shit last week with the charity app. Was not feeling good enough, and tried actually resting for once. But now I kinda feel bad about having made no progress. I'm still noodling around with a fancy installer.