4th June

 Time is doing that weird fast slow thing for me. Lengths of time can seem endless. And yet the days whizz by.

I have been hardcore struggling this week. Spending a lot of time in bed. Trying to not spend *all* my time in bed, but jesus the pull is strong.

Getting a lot of heart aches that come and go, and flares of dry mouth and sweating and yada. I am *assuming* at this point these are some form of panic attack. Even though I'm often dozing at the time.

Hitting regular times for things has become a challenge. I have to clock watch to get at least the tiniest bit of ordered day semblance going on. Otherwise things slide badly.

I'll be honest. The days have been pretty horrible. I tend to start improving as the evening wears on, and by say, 10pm, I feel.. ballpark normal, where I can look back on the day with a mostly clear head and puzzle out wtf is going on with me.

I'm getting super tired at the moment. Even with all the sleep, by the time early evening rolls around, I feel exhausted. High stress I suspect. I know it does this. Experienced it in the past.

I'm just weathering the storm at the moment. Hoping that it just goes away by itself.

Did some car chores for Hazel yesterday, picking up bits and bobs for her wedding do, and picking up Poppy for me to babysit for a few days. Hard work to be honest.

Eh well.

Trying very hard not to come to the conclusion none of this is worth it.

I would still take an easy way out if I was offered one.

Oh well. One day at a time.

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