2nd August

 Anxiety yesterday morning, slowly crawled up and strangled me in my sleep. It has become something of a pattern this year - early morning I am brought out of sleep by an increasing level of anxiety and skittishness until it forces me out of bed, and then slowly recedes - maybe. Sometimes it "pollutes" the whole day or days. A shit day. Hazel has confirmed she can have similar days when her mentals are just out of whack for the day. Meh.

Also been getting random pains again, and I seem to have got back into hands, arms, et al randomly giving me pins and needles - often when asleep ( and not tied to sleeping funny or putting pressure on places, positioning is random and often on the arm or hand I'm *not* sleepingon ) but also when awake.

Had to sleep a lot this weekend - against my will. Not happy at constantly having to nap.

Ho hum.

On the plus side at least it is something I can do and it... usually... helps.

A couple of not so great pieces of research crossed my desk this weekend. One I already knew - if you suffer long term from depression and anxiety, it does permanent damage ( huzzah ) - and the second one which is from a recent study - the importance of chronic inflammation in triggering Other Serious Stuff, and that it might be the lurking evil doer behind a lot of stuff. Good news for me then and my now 2 year old and counting chronic inflammation of the continually opening and closing wound on my ass. Fab.

It's like watching a failing computer system, seeing the potential problems and risks, but then only being able to wait for an incompetent lazy tech to turn up and do something about it. Anathema to me, the perpetual do-er.

Sometimes I hate how lazy, ineffective and stupid people can be.

It has crossed my mind that this blog is like a journal of misery. Not great. It is however representative of where I am. Still. I am very grateful that I can get bits of joy here and there. And I do enjoy stuff. So. There's that. Not all misery.

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