August 22nd

 Yesterday was the worst I've felt in a long time.

Any kind of exertion made me feel ill and like I was teetering on the edge of it becoming a crisis. My heart kept skipping or *something* the whole thump thump THUMP pause, THUMP thump thump.

And in bed. The timing inside was all off. My heart skittered. Some hard to point at unwell feeling. And a tingling down the left hand side of my face, this time creeping to my jaw.

I was at peace with it. No struggle. No panic. It's ok. It doesn't matter. Just experience the ride.

I've been dwelling on Ares somewhat. The guilt has crept back. The grief has crept back. This is me probably torturing myself.

I am not sure, but it might have been kicked off by me stumbling across this.

May be an image of monument and text that says "Sam @korvys Oh, nothing. Just thinking about this carving of a dog, glowing gold from unknown thousands of pats from loving hands, over four and half centuries."

The thought which was apparent to me - That which time cannot tarnish. Metal may tarnish, bones may weary, and eyes may cloud, but the love never fades. The best of boys forever.

Yeah. Sad. Ok. It was probably that.

On a more positive note, I picked up a brush and did some painting yesterday. Small. Tiny. Insignificant amount of painting. But I did it.

Also made my shoulder worse. Ha. Sigh.

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