31st October Part II

 Hmm.

So the gaming today was good. Better than expected. Game was cool.

It lasted 9 hours.

Which was too long.

I went wonky about 6 hours in. I can't say for sure what it was. Caffeine. Low sugar. CFS. FND. All of the above ?

But it kicked in.

The shakes. The room went woozy. My head fogged up. Nausea. Everything went jittery. And I could feel my body toying with pushing a big red button, kicking in the sweats and just going for a black out.

I gritted my teeth. And it got worse.

I decided I needed to do something. So I asked Sam for a slice of bread. I dont know. To calm the stomach. Counteract the bullshit. Low sugar ? Something. Who knows.

Sams a good lad. Made me a sandwich, gave me a peanut bar. Ha. Some people are truly lovely and caring. Sam is one of the people I love. In that weird and funky way I now have. 

It eased a bit. Enough for me to keep on keeping on. Despite the .. bullshit.. I was still happy to be there. even though at times, I just blitzed out a bit.

Yeah.

Interesting.

This evening I got home, ate, waited for shit to get better. I assumed I would need to go straight to bed. But I waited it out. And improved.

Afterwards I wrote an email reply to my friend who I hadn't spoken to in months. One of my childhood friends. I had briefly told him about Ares. Which digs it up. Posting that to facebook was a smart move. Do it once. Dont repeat yourself. Doing it again with people that didn't see that or on facebook. Is traumatic.

So I replied back and went into more detail. The last breath. How brutal it was.

And down. I went.

Down, down, down.

Sitting writing an email whilst crying. A dozen dark thoughts about this that and the other. Life. Time. Meaning. Bullshit. All of it.

I spent an hour writing 3 emails in the end. One after another. In truly fucking bonkers method.

I finished with tears on my face. A hole in my stomach.

That was fun.

Fuck me I suck.

Like an engine of fucking misery.

I read another Nietzsche quote the other day. Good old Nietzsche. Existence is to suffer. Life is about trying to give some meaning to the suffering.

Uh huh.

Agreed. Except I am not sure where the meaning comes in.

Apart from loving people. Reducing suffering. Helping where you can. Despite the fucking abyss peeling your skin off as you do.

Ah well.

End on a positive.

( Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, ahhh )

No really. A positive. I've noodled around dusty corners of the interweb, looking for yet more miniatures. I am gonna customise Sams game. To make it something amazingly gorgeous. I'd like to do it. It's gonna be cool. So I've ordered some bits. Also spoken to my nephew about the possibilities of 3d printing something teeny tiny. We're gonna try some prototypes. I need to knock up some super low res models of dudes in power armour and pew pew guns.

Its gonna be awesome.

Fuck the void.

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