October 2nd

 Had a better than alright day yesterday. First Friday in.... forever.... that I haven't wiped out on and had to spend a portion of the day sleeping. And pootled around fairly contented.

I think. I may have turned a corner healthwise.

There is however a healthy amount of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

This morning I took on a fairly physical task of finishing off construction of a chair. Which requires a good amount of physical wrangling. As of a month ago, such a thing would have been unthinkable. This morning I did it without too much struggle, did not wipe out, felt ok. I felt.. like I had some strength back. Like, the me I am used to once upon a long ago. Not this weird invalid me of this year and last year.

It made me realise how long I haven't been that way.

Still not overdoing it though. Ease back into things. Be sensible. Heed the advice of the medical people !

Ares has not left me. Not a day goes past that I don't think of him. I've also realised I can very very quickly make myself intensely sad and upset if I in any way dwell on him for more than a moment. It is still brutal. I still do not know what to make of it and life. I am not sure it will ever resolve. It's just going to. I don't know. Sit there. Unresolved. But something I learn ... not.. to... poke at... too often. Perhaps that's a life lesson that I have been missing all these years. Perhaps Ares is still teaching me things.

Oof. Makes me very sad. Teary.

The longer he is gone, the more I understand how unique he was - how unique we all are. Athena is a different beast. Ares was always with me. The kitchen, the loo, DIY, the shopping, bed. You name it. And when I went out, a questioning look, why can't I come. Now he's gone. And I have lost my happy boy shadow. It's. Quite something. To lose. I am hard pressed to name something worse to lose.

Ho hum.

There is a slow sense of closure developing though. Very slow. Understanding he was part of my life but not all my life. Understanding I was his whole life. And it's lovely. And humbling. But eh. I still have a beef with death. It sucks. Anyone that pretends it doesn't, "its the circle of life", is fucking delusional. Unwilling to address that awful elephant in the room and instead paint in some happy Disney magical thinking bullshit to ease reality. Understandable. But personally, I find it contemptible. I guess that's my problem. Give me the shitty reality both barrels. Fuck being gentle about it. Stupid. Really. Ask me another day and I daresay I have softened. Unresolved turmoil.

Anywho. Moving on.

I finished a bit of crafting yesterday. Something I've been pottering around with for weeks. It has been good for me. Even though in places I have felt dreadful and ill whilst doing it. Having finished it, I now want to do another. I have begun scheming how to do indented detailing. I could *really* do with one of those co2 laser cutters. Ha ha. Hmm.

Have some pictures.  Blurry bonus shot of Athena wondering what I'm doing.

This all started because Caroline enjoyed the letter magnets on my fridge. A lot. Over the next few days I figured I would get her some magnets, but then quickly realised, huh, I need a nice box for them. After pondering it for a while, and stumbling around the craft store, the idea of a book formed, and the rest was just a progression from there. I've enjoyed figuring this out. From the fake "leather" texturing via crumped paper, to the weathering, painting, and shoving in ovens to set the clay ( an experiment that did *not* result in the book scorching ! ). There are a lot of crafty techniques in this pulled from all sorts of experience I have. The tiny flowers I learned how to do years ago for fimo figures. And attaching them to the book... well.. this is pin vices and brass rods to make sure it has a hard as nails joint. Something I have done in the past for miniatures ( toy soldiers ). And a whole bunch of painting effects, inks, glazes, blending, dry brushing, highlighting, shadowing and weathering.

I particularly like screwing around with lettering. I "cheat". Something I learned from.. of all things...painting my recycling bin. And then also engraving a table ( don't ask ).

Freehanding text is not a skill I have. Well. Not into a consistent style / font. Well. Unless it's some default serif roman style thing.

But. You don't need to be.

Step 1. Measure your target.

Step 2. Go browse the internets for a font that tickles your fancy.

Step 3. Use an art package to make a canvas the size you measured in step 1, put text on it.

Step 4. Print it out.

Step 5. Trace the print out onto your target. A few ways to do this. Either make a lot of holes with a needle. Or. Get yourself some carbon paper. And trace it to leave a carbon residue on your target.

Step 6. Paint your trace !

Step 7. Profit.

The book in some ways is like the pinnacle of a lot of my crafty knowledge slammed together.

And it was cool !

I think I might make a Roman one next. Bit of a travesty as Romans were scroll based, not book based. But I need a container for Glory to Rome card game. I am thinking indented lettering with gold leaf.. and... I want to make a fancy resin or the like roman eagle seal to indent into the front cover. Would look swish. I am still just background thinking over design details in my head. Front cover art or no ? I love some of the art and a picture of it "on the box" would be awesome. But not quite sure it would fit the book aesthetic. Not sure. Tricky.