17th December

 Burnout.

Some days this year I reach burnout really quick.

Yesterday was such a day.

After pointing out the server disk was full, and that might be the fucking reason its all stopped working, I decided to do just a little fact checking.

The techies noted the logs were enormous, and one of them had grown 5x the size.

The implication being it was the dbs fault.

There's a recurring theme at work atm. Blame everything else except the person responsible.

So I fact checked the statements.

Databases were 76gb all in. Perhaps that sounds a lot to you. Until I tell you the server has 3tb of space, IE, 3,000 gb of space.

Some of the logs were very big. The biggest was 300gb. or 0.3tb.

Once some basic cleaning had been done some 2tb of space remained on the server. 1tb was in use.

As for the logs. They themelves are supposed to be maintained and wiped once in a while.

All in all these tasks form part of your "housekeeping". Like doing the hoovering. Or dusting. And if you're super that way, you can even automate it. The equivalent of buying a roomba. So your lazy ass doesn't even need to do much except once in a while make sure the roomba is still happily scooting around the house.

I found the claims of databases out of control, logs too big to be... basically bullshit. And in any case. The logs should be cleared once in a while. It was clear they hadn't been looked at in years.

So, a failure in basic maintenance again.

Either lazy employees. Or slack procedures / processes. Or both. And then they make an excuse about it. Because they know Andy wont check, and doesn't have the chops to check.

Which is about par for the course at the moment at work. The very recurring theme. Remember not too long ago the whole failing server "its been wiped" because... they forgot they fucked around with the certification of the server a day before. That particular time I wasted hours into the early hours of the morning bashing my head against a problem that was again, just shitty lazy processes combined with Andy that couldn't hold that fact for more than 8 hours before forgetting it. Tip top.

In my personal opinion work has reached, and surpassed, a critical, You're Shit And You Should Feel Bad threshold.

In the misty pasts of my own early career, sometimes you get into a space where you commit a mistake or something gets missed or *something* on a repeat basis, maybe 3 times or more. 3 times is usually the alarm bell charm. Or a couple of doubles in close succession.

It's at those points you have to call a halt to everything. Stop. Take a breath. Step up your meticulous checks. Reassess what things need to be checked, what processes need to change, and double down on a methodical approach. It's a pain. It's ugly. It slows everything down. But it is absolutely necessary. A bitter shot of medicine. Once things are moving along again relatively fuck up free, then you can look at speeding things up again. In this way you refine your approach, no matter what the wacky environment or unique problems you face, and end up with a set of processes that fits your situation.

It's grown up experienced IT stuffs. Something they don't and can't exactly teach. But shit you learn by blowing things up. Or watching someone else blow themselves up.

Current work absolutely does not have that maturity. Everything is a clown with its hair on fire. Lip service is paid to me when I effectively say do better, by pointing out the failures and how to not hit that again. Everything is run cowboy fashion. This is absolutely down to Andy, and reflects his core approach to everything.

This is not an unknown. This has been noted frequently over the years. Many years ago when Andy was off, and one of our employees took over maintenance for a few weeks, a conversation was had where murky mutterings went on about "of course its not written down, of course its not documented" for basic stuff like licences, certificates et al. This was nothing to do with me. Those insights were offered to me. Not a full on rant. But a lot of under the breath, well, this is shit isnt it.

It gave me a decent handle on how other things in the business that I didn't touch were being run.

That all kicked off because of a failed certificate ( security ) that needed updating. There are a lot of these. You would think there would be a nice "book" where a list of all the certs you had was kept. Where they come from. Where they should go. And where they were bought.

No. Nothing.

Several years later, still fucking up basically certificate management. And server management. In general.

Eh well.

Anyway. After doing that bit of digging yesterday, depite it being early afternoon, I found my capacity to do shit was... zero.

I was burned out. Fighting fires. Fact checking dufuses who turn out to be idiots ( which is pretty much *all* I've done this week )  . It's wearing. It's not just work. It's a form of work where you must deal with screaming 8 year olds who of course are just making shit up, the moon is made of cheese, I have 3 arms, my dad is an astronaut, but you have to painstakingly check each statement. It becomes really really soul sucking. From a management point of view this is horrendous. Your basic work processes have been hijacked and productivity has hit near zero because bits of your procedure are so flawed, so error heavy, that nothing else is working. You're using all your "good" capacity to simply stand still and counter the "bad" capacity.

This is a maintenance threshold problem. Where your stuff is so fucked up, it now absorbs all your time in just keeping everything going. This is a major killer. A business sinker. You're painted into a corner. It can get worse than this - where the maintenance threshold then starts to exceed your capacity to maintain it. You can't keep up. This is then a guaranteed major meltdown. And if not outright a killer of business - and by that I mean a company dissolves - then its a major major cost writedown and a start from scratch approach is necessary.

Andys history is peppered with this. He has had businesses fail in the past for that very reason. The current business almost started to go that way before I stepped in and righted the ship ( indeed the only other employee at that time ( there were 3 of us ) noted that he thought it only a matter of time before things got out of control, and once again Andy would simply do a runner - his words, not mine ).

Facts like that are only known by me. Which stands to reason as I'm the person thats known him the longest and worked the longest with him professionally. By a very long shot.

As I've said before. I like him. He's a nice guy in many ways.

He is not a natural IT person. He blows as a manager. He is not meticulous or methodical. And will run away from challenges. Particularly money related. Just. Run. Literally.

Somewhat interesting from a psychological point of view. But his basically inability to even have a possibility of disappoint / have someone think bad of him / displease someone. Hence he shifts from anxiety filled request to anxiety filled request - whoever asked last, literally in a 5 minute period - will get desperate attention. And if he has money problems he cant fulfill or the like. Will literally just run away. Rather than face someone being disappointed in him. This includes giving employees a dressing down when they are being shit, and not being able to fire people that are dramatically taking the piss, instead hoping that they will "go away on their own". I kid you not.

I've not super talked to him about his upbringing. But it points to at least one of his parents being a draconian and chilly ( if not outright uncaring rage monster ) taskmaster. I *suspect* it's his mom, having met both very briefly. His mom comes across very quickly as a sergeant major. I could be horribly wrong here. I've met them for all of 5 minutes. Take that with a pinch of salt. That being said, I'd put some money on his mom being the ballbuster authoritarian, at times no sympathy, angry, emotionally unstable controller, and his dad being a sub to that dom, laid back, quieter, anything for peace, retreats rather than confronts. Conditioned by his mom. Learns to never disappoint. Always runs when in trouble. Coping skills from dad. But. I'm way overextending into conjecture. Not worth the paper it's written on. But it wouldn't surprise me to find a match there. Andy is a gentler soul than ( one of ? ) his parents. His need to help friends could also be a reaction to harshness from parent(s). The rule of opposites. You do what your parents didn't.

Round and round you go. Understanding brings empathy. Sympathy. I feel sorry for the dude.

But also at some point you have to be aware of yourself and undo the bullshit that was given to you. Not easy. Not nice. Something you may work at for the rest of your life but, unless you want to fall into a horrible rut of bullshit, something you need to do.

Andy does not have the wherewithal or maturity to do that. He's a simple guy. And he's stuck in that pattern that was ( probably ) set into him by his parents. It's a very anxiety filled lifestyle. And it projects anxiety outwards onto others when given a chance.

Eh well.

Enough of the breakdown of life the universe and everything.

Yesterday my friend set up perforce to do source control for game stuffs. For the non technical, this is a way to keep copies of your work. So it doesnt go down the toilet when you accidentally hit delete. Or have a bad day and fuck everything up.

Perforce has a bit of an evil reputation in the industry.

In short it's shit.

I don't have any personal experience of it.

Suffice to say it took him hours upon hours to setup and get running.

I showed him git ( an alternative ) that I already had running. And you could get running in 5 minutes.

He persisted.

Heh. I left him to it.

Because of the shitty day I had yesterday I Could also tell my patience was way down.

He was wasting time. The product was clunky. Stop it. Put that shit down. Use git.

I stepped him through setting up source control in visual studio ( software for programming ).

Even that made my grind my teeth. My patience was super thin.

There is going to be a few challenges here. My friend comes from a senior IT background, but his coding skills and proficiency with tools is... rough.

His expectations are of mastery. His actuality is trainee.

This will be difficult to manage without hurt feelings.

We shall see how it goes. I need to be very patient. I may need to Have A Frank Talk About Reality And Expectations. Not something I look forward to. Telling people they are crap is always a tricky shit sandwich to sell.

Heh.

Optimistically hopefully it just works itself out. And he's a quick learner. But. Also a grumpy old man. Like me. Ha.

Positives.

Went to bed early. Got up late. Felt better for it. Not feeling too bad today. Yay. This is good. As today is going to be busy. I am helping Hazel to shift location from Hotel back to Flat ( theyve finally got her sorted ) and I have a social visit with a friend in the evening ( although I will miss out on seeing his other half, boo ).

Despite all the sleep. Already feeling tired again. 

Just about finished some painting. I did promise a picture. Huh. Lemme do that....

This is how they started. Doggo supplements !

S'alright. Not perfect. Farrrr from perfect. But alright. I tried a new technique with these guys. The flaky paint malarkey. One I did mostly as flaky paint. All over. The other, paint in patches. Not sure which I like more. I think both are wrong. Ha ha. Which one is less shit then ? Heh. Learning. I think somewhere between the two would be better. Art. Not a science. Now I look at it. I think the paint needs some rust dribbles. It's missing and throwing the eye off. Eh. Back to the drawing board. I will add that in.

I shall be giving these to my nephew for Christmas. Hope he likes them. Who doesn't like receiving grungy junk for Xmas ?

On that note, I have the wild idea this year of *making christmas cards*. Oh god. Not more things to do. It's really tempting tho. So tempting. Hnnnngggggg.

Sigh.

Such a fuckwit. Honestly.