22nd December

 So, had to pay a few bills today. Checked the accounts.

Checked if Andy had paid me.

Of course my money was short this month because I took some time off for surgery.

Heh.

I wondered which way he would jump. He's been getting a lot more shitty of late about sick days. Not that I have them per se ( despite being sick ).

So what's that all about ?

Techically there is zero written contract between me and Andy. None. Nada. Zip. There have been all sorts of agreements, understandings, partnerships, promises et al, but at the end of the day, they are worth the paper they are written on.

Which is to say.

None.

So technically, Andy could just stop paying me, period. For no reason at all. His latest wheeze this year is to stop paying me if I have time off sick. This started when I was really ill at the start of the year. He fretted a lot about me not working. And when I say a lot. I mean. Pathological mental levels of fretting. And I think he just ended up doing this as a stick to beat me back to work. The business he said, couldn't afford just to pay me.

The man with 3 fancy cars, 2 houses, 1 boat, and about £150k of cryptocurrency that has been mining on company hardware on company electricity.

Can't afford a handful of days sick pay.

Ok.

This whole Victorian approach to sick pay started a few years ago, when one of our employees... whos probably reading this right now... had a whole bunch of sick time out. Shit happens. The same happened to me when I worked for Big Corp. I was out for six months. Same issue. A hella time.

Andy, being a small biz owner, realised, or decided, or whatever, that he couldn't afford such extensive sick time pay. So since then, has basically offered fuck all in the way of sick pay. He likes this. It appeals to the little greed gremlin in him.

This now also applies to me. Because fuck me, it's not as if I've been responsible for holding the business together, or have been there from the start as a partner, or have saved his ass multiple times, or have been stiffed over the years for money he owes me.

So yeah.

By the same token. No contract. Nada. I could simply. Stop working. Instantly. Or. Not bother to turn up at all, without notice, without explanation, on days I can't be arsed.

The expectation is that of course I wont do that.

Also by the same token, when I work longer hours on some days, I perhaps get a thanks. But that's it. The time I was up til 2am sorting out his bullshit ? I didn't get paid for that.

So you can see. There is beginning to be something of a one way relationship developing. It's early days. But the rot is there. The lack of respect is there. The complacency that I will just tolerate whatever shit sandwich he cares to hand out is there.

I wondered what he would do for this months pay packet. He didn't tell me about it. Of course not. That's his way. Remember the whole, runaway from money malarkey. So. He's just not said anything. And docked it. By an arbitrary amount. Just from a business point of view that's a shitty thing to do. At least *talk* with the person about it, rather than leave it as a surprise for them via accounting. From a moral point of view it blows - he owes me in so many ways. I go above and beyond. And then you get that treatment. Over a handful of days.

A friend of mine asked me a great question way earlier in the year about the subject.

Do you think he stops paying himself when he or his missus are sick ?

Ha ha ha ha. No. 

Other friends have frowned at me and shaken their heads. No pay for sick time ? You need to get out of there.

Yeah. But it wasn't always like that.

Eh. So it goes.

I was looking for it to see if it would provide me with yet another small piece of ammunition about Why I Am Not Working For You Anymore.

And on cue, given enough rope, Andy has hung himself.

This has been something of a change that's been developing in him for a while. That aspiration to become a "success" and join his dubious mentors ( two in particular, which, long story short, are cunts in that dragons den cuntish kind of way. Mini Trumps ). His disconnect from stuff has started to grow, complacency increased, greed increased, and it's His Empire now. Rather than a team effort.

None of this is news to me. All of this forms some of the core kernels of reasoning that have kicked off my unease, then rejection, then motivation for making a change this year.

Andy is not the person he was when he started the business. And the business person he is becoming I do not like. Can you work for a person like that ? Sure. There are many of them out there. But. It destroys the relationship we had. The understanding we had together. Unwritten rules. We were, equals. Everyone else works for us. Now it seems I am "just another employee". He and his missus are tip top. Hilarious as his missus basically works for the company as a tax avoidance - Andy gets to pay himself two wages. Which he does. And also takes dividends out of the company. Hence paying for all the stuff. And the rest of the money that he pisses up a wall.

I am not pissed off about it all. Not angry. It is predictable. And expected ( the action if not the exact timing ). The timing of him not paying me fully this month however is particularly apt given I am quitting next month.

I have started to wonder what he will say. Whether he asks for reasons. A part of me just hopes he accepts it, doesn't pass comment, off we go. That would be nice. I expect the five stages of grief.

If he asks for my reasons I am just gonna leave it with, there are many reasons, and not get into it. If he pushes super hard for reasons, then I will start throwing out shit like his behaviour. I will show him his moral compass. And decry him as Just Another Wannabe Business Dickhead. I know that will sting. He still likes to think of himself as a nice guy. But money is his enormous achilles heel. It makes him act as a very much not nice guy. If you want a sociopathic response from him. Deal with money.

Well. Enough of that. I hope... ah ha ha... this is the last time I have a long waffle about work. More shit is going to happen. Of course. But. It's on a set of rails now. And I doubt there will be much mileage to be had in talking about it. Unless of course it really is shocking.

Work achieved today - I did little. I was going to take it more easy today anyway. But on finding the money situation. That turned into a well, fuck that. I completed the last bit of work with days to spare. Earning me zip except the thanks of Andys bank account. So eh. I noodled a little with some webpages, thinking ahead. But no great shakes. Tomorrow, eh, more of the same I would think. Or less even.

In other words. Forget about work. It's just not that important anymore.

In other news. Finally started setting up new company bits and pieces. Domain. Emails. That kind of thing. No big shakes. But there is now a stake in the ground. An internet presence. The swirling mass of possibility is starting to coalesce into something tangible. Even if it is just a dead website. Ha ha.

I've quite enjoyed the setup process - this time around I've done it via google. I've never managed domains or the like via google before. This is because google never used to do that shit in Ye Olde Times ( hell in Ye Olde Olde times google didnt even exist... ! ) and like an old dog not learning new tricks, I've tended to stuck with old school registrars. So far I am enjoying my experience with google. The UI - as you'd expect - is good. Not something that can be said for some of the old school registrars I use.

I dunno what it is about domain names and stuff. But it still gives me a buzz. Thinking of splitting stuff into subdomains. It is full of cool possibilities. Stupid I suppose. It's just a name dude. Duh. Perhaps it's my old school nature. Oooh. My *own name* on the internet ! Whoo ! Ha ha. You think after all this time, and having done it repeatedly for clients and myself I would be over it. But no.

Feeling a shade better today. Still ropey. Had a nap after taking Athena out for a nice run. She's so lovely. She spotted some rabbits and gave chase. Hopelessly outclassed at this point of course. But she was game. Me being me, I realised what an enormous fall I am setting myself up for when she goes. Love her too much. Appreciate her too much. The loss will be terrible. I pondered that perhaps sociopaths that don't care for shit had the answer. Swan through life without any kind of loss. I'm the opposite of that. I don't super recommend it. On the other hand. I really goddamn appreciate what I've got, when I've got it and don't take it for granted.

Ho hum.

Life eh.

No one ever guaranteed it makes sense. Or is fair. I would like to think there's a better model for life out there. If you love something that much. It can never hurt you. Only be good. Good things to good people. And all that. I suppose that's what the religious fruitcakes fervently believe Heaven is. It's not a super unreasonable response to a screamingly awful nihilistic unfairness. Just. Close your eyes. Stick your fingers in your ears. And think of Peter Pan. Why not ?

Positives

I am in a better frame of mood today. As a bunch of free time over Xmas looms into view, I am looking forward to the prospect of noodling with some game stuff. Pushing the whole game company into further fruition. I am definitely going to take the opportunity to do something game company related with the time. Annddddd, I'm already enjoying starting to pull it all together and manage it. I am slowly beginning to realise that maybe this is precisely where I need to be.

Huh.

Neat.

Now. If I can just stop feeling ill all the time, that would be greatttttt.

Also. Note to self. Possible (internal) motto for company : No pressure, have fun.

A little like Googles ( now ditched ) Do No Evil.

I feel like No pressure bit is super important. Every tech asshole company out there is about the pressure. Fuck that.