Jan 29

 Bad night last night.

Cough got real ugly. Woke me up, kept me up. Sigh. And following on its tail the rest of me collapsed. Left side of face tingles, spacing out, all energy draining out of me. Left side twitches ghosting back.

Meh.

Today I have limped through the day. Not feeling well. Not like a cold not feeling well. But that oh so familiar tug of exhaustion and general malaise. My plans have gone out of the window and I have lapsed in and out of bed.

My mood has followed and I find myself drifting in grey, watching time tick by, mostly not aware of the clock roaring around, occasional dips into the black. I have been spacing in and out of time today. Little things make me throw far back in time, to other places, when the sky was just that colour. The smell on the air was just that smell. I get vivid flashbacks to people that are now dead, places that are now long gone. Times from my childhood. Nothing happy there. Just sadness. And an awareness of how much time and shit has passed by.

Cheery.

Definitely sailing the seas of melancholy today. Eh. It's ok. I'm used to it. I can't help feeling I've already reached mastery of this though. Surely I don't need to keep repeating the lessons.

I've isolated myself today. Not spoken to anyone. Avoided people. Part of that shadow realm, at such points I just want to pass through the world unnoticed, slipping between the cracks in the shadows.

Let me go.

Not yet.

Path is not done.

Hang your head in despair.

I keep zoning out. Staring into space for 30 minutes at a time. Heh. Eh. So nuts. Not even funny.

Struggled to do something .. idk.. enjoyable today. So been very very gently noodling with some dweomerdin art. Just typography. Because. Why not. And have thrown on music onto my spatial surround sound setup. Which probably doesn't help. It's all been.. downbeat. And dreamy. And the wonder of the sound system makes it a wall of seamless beautiful sound.

Eh. Yeah. Probably not a great mood enhancer.

Positives.

None. I am still alive. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Touching the dark reminds me of the light.

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