Feb 13

 Tired, fragile, not feeling too great today.

But at least it's not on the floor passing out, amirite ?

My mood has settled into a sub par cruising altitude, stuck in the doldrums of being ill and continually churning over my mortality in the background. I'm going to cark it. That's bad. I'm going to cark it. Eh. That's alright. I'm going to cark it. You know, I am glad I am around still to experience today then.

So it goes.

I roused myself lunchtime to go pick up my laptop from Hazel. I really needed to get it back home and start copying stuff over. But boy. Was I not in a good place for it. Meh. Fuck it. Suck it up soldier. How much worse can it realistically get anyway. Hit the floor ? Been there, done that.

So I did that. Ended up staying longer than I intended copying a stubborn hard drive for Hazel. She had tried, stepped through it with her boyfriend, got the tools.

But yeah. Didn't work.

It can be like that for System drives. So I stayed a few hours and properly copied it for her ( clonezilla for the record, the absolute go to, fuck this, fuck your stupid format, fuck your errors, lets do this set of tools.. and free as well ). Left when it was all tickety boo.

This is why computers are my thing. Even at my shittest. I make them sing.

I've paid the price somewhat for the extended afternoon. Feel. Blllleeeehhhhh. But I'm alright. Had worse.

I'm ok with that. I'll probably sink beneath the waves still trying to help someone. Ha ha. Like the terminator holding his thumb up as he sinks into the molten steel.

I reflected on the way home a probable second reasonable Meaning to Life.

If the first one is the concept of us, possibly, eventually, in some distant fantastical future being the caretakers of the universe, the universe made self aware and then its own protector.

Then the second much more humble possible meaning of life, is to prevent suffering.

It doesn't matter if it starts from nothing and ends in nothing. Nihilism is all. Preventing a suffering, somewhere in the middle of that, still matters. Even if nothing ends up mattering. Preventing someone from pain, helping, somewhere in the middle of that existence properly matters, and will matter after everything turns to cold dust. Suffering then, trumps nihilism. Preventing suffering *always* matters.

The opposite of this, enjoyment. Eh. Doesn't correlate. It's something of a choice versus no choice. Of a pain and enduring, versus a choice of chocolates from a box. One is, neither here nor there. The other. Matters very much. In that small window of existence between the rise of a species and its fall, or the heat death of the universe, the fact that suffering was eased, matters incredibly in that subjective space. Overall the net result is a zero perhaps. A rounding error. But, it still matters at the time, no arguments, no judgement calls, no politics, no bullshit. 

I'm good with that.

If you can ease a little suffering in your life, you have done a good thing.

If you have done a good thing, your life has meant something. Even in the face of a nihilistic god.

Peace be upon the helpers.