Mar 21

 I did not rally yesterday.

I did the opposite.

I was ok for the first half of the day, but by mid afternoon I was increasingly meh.

Had lunch, decided to take a nap to see if that would head it off.

It did not.

I woke up after a 3 hour "nap" feeling worse, and that lingered all evening. A general malaise, nausea, feeling ill, tired, bleh.

Hmmmmm.

I think I might try a few days of eating as little as possible to see if that alters anything. I doubt it. As eating little also seems to make me feel ill. But eh. We will see.

Last day off before work. I am not relishing going back to the god awful task tomorrow. Eh. It's ok. But I could so do with a rest. It has started to annoy me that I had to make that compromise and keep on working, yet a-fucking-gain despite very clearly needing a rest.

Same old story.

You'll always be sacrificed for a bottom line. Like I didn't learn that enough at a corp.

Anyway.

Couple of weeks and I am off for a month.

Even now I am doubting my decision to agree to work a couple of days a week. It should be zero. Hmm. Give it time I guess. And remember the upside - getting paid.

Today will I think be more of the same as yesterday. Chill. Noodle with some art. I should check whether the DVLA et al are functional so I can renew my licence I guess. My body is very subtly telling me to sit on my ass however. I would do well to heed it.

Looking ahead, I am not relishing the idea of May either. I have lined up a bunch of gratis work, and that was with the idea that I would be considerably better and firing on all cylinders. But. Eh. The opposite seems to be true. A slow degradation. I can already feel like May will be Too Much. We shall see. I think I need to stay adaptable and scale back shit if required.

Always doing something. Perhaps I just need to fucking stop. I am getting there. Honestly. Dragged kicking and screaming backwards by feeling ill all the time so that my output gets less and less and less.

Eh well.

Life !