April 22

 Experiment.

So, kinda impatient yesterday. I decided to skip eating. I wanted to see if the typical "I feel shit" et al would kick in around afternoon as per usual or not if I skipped eating.

So I drank tea. And went for a nice walk with Athena. And didn't eat.

And I didn't feel like shit. Not 100%. But alright.

I eventually ate at 6pm.

By 8pm I had started to feel rough.

Ok. Could be a coincidence. At this point probably not.

*Anything* I eat makes me feel like shit somewhere between an hour to 3 hours later. If it has something like black pepper or jalapenos in it will be way worse, and last for days.

I guess at this point I repeat the experiments and see how conclusive that is and start to track nuances in effects. I will give a more liquid diet a go, and see if that makes me feel shit too. I'll also try eating tiny portions - but I already have a lot of data for that, and it doesn't seem to matter on the quantity, just, that you ate at all.

It's highly possible that when I am in a "triggered" state, or coming down from a triggered state, any food I eat is a problem, but gets steadily better. Maybe.

It's also possible it's not based on what I eat at all, and is some other underlying thing that is triggering me on and off. There are half a dozen things or more that could do that. From immune system issues to any number of malfunctioning bits of digestive system.

Meh.

I could really do with talking through this with at least a GP. But they are busy. Apparently.

So, bright side, I think I will be losing weight whether I like it or not. My mindset is beginning to shift to see all food as A Problem. This time last year I danced with getting a full blown food phobia problem malarkey as my food intake dropped to zero, and, weirdly, the rest of me just gave up on eating. No hunger. Nada. Just. Not eating. I had to struggle to make myself eat. Which is not great. But pfft, I am fine, plenty of fat to sit on yet.

Third week of my month rolls by. It's not been terribly good. Definitely not what you'd call a vacation. And I could do with more time off. But. Eh. 

May, in theory, should be a blow out of effort and doing stuff. I can already tell you that that's entirely unrealistic. So I am going to have to think about compromises here. Just take my time. Which is ok.

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