April 23

Not really an experiment, but evidence.

Yesterday I noodled around with some art, and had a tea, toast and a yoghurt at mid-day ish.

Lo and behold, by 2pm ish, I started to feel off, and called an end to my noodling to go have a nap.

Meh.

Later in the evening I was starving, and rather unwisely decided to order myself a chicken wrap, salad, garlic bread. Which by my standards these days is stuffing my face. Went to sleep on a full stomach.

Bad news right ?

No ill effects.

....

*scratches head*

Mmm k.

There are a couple of possibilities I can think of here.

One. Wholemeal bread could be a mild trigger ? The wholemeal toast could be doing a thing ?

Two. Timing. My digestive system is different during the evening compared to the day, and or, being very inactive/ sleeping slows down the process ?

Three. Meds. Timing of taking meds messes with it all. I take a gastro altering pill first thing in the morning. I doubt it's this as those pills act on the liver and then back on the stomach and yada blah, and are supposed to be a long term system change, not a quick change localised thing. But. It's possible.

Four. All coincedental. This one is almost laughably not possible at this point. The symptoms shown are repeatable. Monkey see. Monkey do.

Eh well. There are some things to explore in there. I think a move to a more liquid diet would still be a good test. And try fucking around with bread. None. Some. Different ones.

Weird dreams last night. Looking at the macro level I think they are all anxiety based. Just generalised anxiety. I had finally got together with an old crush. But she was at pains to tell me what to expect. Her weird things. It was ok I reassured her. But still. Whole thing was slightly uneasy. And the rest were similar. Corporate work events. Social. But uneasy. Wandering around downtrodden areas of London. Bumping into downtrodden friends of iffyness. And continually losing Athena.

Just a stew of anxiety I think. None of those are real. But they are all informed to one level or another by past events. It makes me ponder how much traumatic stuff we absorb in our lives, and how much of it is passed off as "normal". I think we are all individual, and what freaks one person out, might not do so another. Varying levels of coping perhaps. Or sensitivity. Or past scarring. All of us unique. I think our modern capitalist driven society has a lot to answer for. Closely backed up by overbearing officious bureaucracy. We don't make our world pleasant for ourselves. We like constructing varying forms of hell to live in. Strange.

I'm alright today. Feel tired and achey, but eh, ok. Enough. If I am not pushing it. I suspect the CFS is nagging me a bit today. Also bit of a weird mood as the dream has stuck with me as sometimes they do. Even though it's just bullshit, the emotional feel follows me out of sleep and sticks around to colour the day. I think on balance I am a bit sad today. Lonely I think. Somewhat unusual for me. But. Eh. Yeah. Today I am missing just having someone to smile with. This is my path.

Got a BBQ to go to later today. Weather seems undecided about what it's going to do. Very windy with big blocks of overcast clouds, but a sun that peeps in and out. Not ideal BBQ weather to be sure. But it'll be nice to catch up with some friends. See how they're doing.

Otherwise. Tea. And art. For today I think. Noodling, noodling.

Oh. I was reading up a little on fluid mechanics the other day. The equations for it - which to be honest go over my head. But I was also trying to grok the underlying happening of what is going on, which, I think I get, and is suprisingly simple, but also, just about impossible to imagine the repercussions. Basically. Shift a unit of X to another place. But everything else around it then needs to fill the gap. Each unit then has its own velocity, direction, momentum etc. And so you can end up with eddies and the like. Although. I am still puzzle the whole rotational energy thing. How does a liquid sustain rotational energy. It clearly can. Or. Looks like it can ( important difference ! ). Somewhere in there my brain is scratching at the need to setup a dumbass simulation just to test my understanding. And of course. Lead back into the whole fog / smoke thing.

Uh huh.