May 2

 The month of rest is over.

How did we do ?

I feel a lot better than I did going into it.

So the rest worked !

I can feel the rest, but it's not the rest. It's the diet. It's made the difference between spending most of my days bullshit ill, or most of my days not bullshit ill. I'm still something of a limping duck, the CFS can come up and kick me, a bunch of other things fade in and out, but, comparatively speaking, it's copeable with.

In the coming weeks it remains to be seen if I can refine my diet down to get a better list of shit I am sensitive to ( I have a real suspicion floating around pre packaged sliced bread - it's that bread that seems to trigger me, freshly baked stuff does not ), and also very likely a list of Also Rans of stuff that is so so for me if I am in a sensitive state. Apples for instance, seem good all round. Chocolate slightly dubious.

I feel like I'm just about beginning to get a handle on things overall at the end of this month. Do I need more time off ? Oh hell yes. No doubt about it. I'd take a guess I need probably another 3 months minimum to perhaps get to the best level I can. Assuming diet et al works out.

But this is not an on off situation. My past self has already set up a different path for my future self, a drop to two days a week work. To reiterate the plan, the extra time I am doing shit for allows me to either fill it with things to do, or, just take the extra time to rest / figure shit out with my health. At the moment the latter seems wayyyy more likely. Which is ok.

So today is my last day. Which has kinda been burned to be honest. I had planned just to take it easy, art, chill etc. As it turns out Hazel needed help running errands on her last day before she goes to the US. As ever, shes kinda left everything to the last minute and fucked somethings like her meds up. Hence a bit of a looming deadline panic. This is predictable with her. And she is self aware to fully know it ( but not ironically change it ). So first thing this morning I pootled her around the city feeling absolutely wipe out tired. Came back home. Ate a little. Then slept the afternoon away. Being brutal about it, I could super have not done with it all. But it's ok. You do the thing.

And before you know it. The day has passed. Gone.

As this day ends I am feeling tired, just a smidge ill, low energy, but eh, alright in the main. Relatively speaking. I've had all sorts of symptoms ghost around today, left side of face tingling and fading, pains yada blah. It's just background noise. Banged up. Scarred. Misfiring spark plugs. But copeable. Just about.

Watched a couple of things on Apple TV. Yet another Streaming Service. Slow Horses and Severance. Slow Horses is pretty damn awesome - for me at any rate. A bit of an old school style spy thriller malarkey. Which I love. Headed up by Gary Oldman who I super like. Best actor of his generation. Period. The series has the same kind of feel as things like tinker tailor, but in a modern era. Good stuff. And severance. Not as good as Slow Horses. But good. A real mind fuck. And an indictment of the cult like fucking mentality you can get at corporations. Oh yes. I know that one. So that resonates with me. But if you want a nice sci fi ( not spaceships, just tech ) glance into another dystopian what if, give it a shot. 

Yeah. Corporations. I am gonna go out there and say, they're all evil or in a minority of cases, just not entirely evil YET. They are a terrible engine for misery. They deal in lies - to protect their interests - gaslighting - we are your family, don't listen to them, you're crazy, we love you here... all the while firing your ass when the bottom line doesn't haul in enough profit. The have no qualms about destroying people, the environment et al, so long as it continues their bottom line. There is a reason they are sociopathic entities when they are dissected by metrics to determine personality. They require constant vigilance not to turn evil, commit atrocities, bury democracy and well being ( "lobbying", polluting water, the air, peoples lungs, you name it ), and if even somewhat neglected or complacent will descend into a horrible mess of exploitation and bullshit.

No company should be bigger than probably a few factories. A few locations. Everything else above that. Wields too much power. Becomes too sociopathic. Destroys everything it touches, except profit for shareholders.

Burn the corps - and their chief cheerleaders - without exception.

But anyway. Enough tilting at windmills.

Time for a cup of tea. And some art noodling.