May 28

 See.

This is why my intellectual problem solving brain for all its cleverness capabilities can go just get fucked. 

Today dropped like a hammer.

No reason. No dreams. Or mood swings. Or events. Nothing.

Today has felt like cloying miserable treacle. Everything feels off. Don't feel great in a general kind of way. No energy. Uncaring. Low level misery.

I went back to bed. And stayed there for most of the day.

Got up feeling equally shit again. No budging. A permanent shitty cloud over my personal space.

So I did the washing up. Back ached. Got the trembles.

What the fuck.

Mmm.

You can't outhink it Johnny. You can't placate it. Negotiate with it. Rage at it.

Shit will do as shit will do.

Everyone has good ideas. Do this. Do that. You should just <insert thing I've already done>.

Heh.

Ugh. Today I am tired. Perhaps it's all the work I did this week. I doubt it. But maybe. Maybe brainpowering for an extended period of time kicks the ever loving shit out of me now. Hefty brain engine. No fuel. Ends up scraping metal on metal.

This is, basically, what the neuro casually said was going on. That I needed to give the melon a rest.

Me being me, I really doubt that. To my knowledge brains don't really work like that.

But eh.

Just a bad day.

My life, ha ha. Stumbling from one hole of crap to the next.

On an entirely different note. Some of the ivy is slowing growing past my bathroom window at the moment. I tend to keep it trimmed back to just short of it, let it grow a bit, then repeat. A bit of it pressed against the window had - what I thought was - a bunch of some kind of insect eggs on it. Caterpillar perhaps.

But no.

In the evening, dark, I saw a little bee making some kind of nest. The eggs were not eggs but some kind of waxy secretion thingy. It seems to be very slowly building a waxy cocoon for itself. I had heard of solitary bees, but eh, of course, never really seen one - how would you know. Bees tend not to flash their passport as they fly past you.

It doesn't seem a great place to build a tiny home to me. But eh. The cool thing is its pressed against the window. So you get a window into what's happening.