May 30

 Much better afternoon yesterday. Bounced up somewhat.

Forced myself out to take Athena on a walk, and after that, was in an alright place all round, albeit, walked around the place with a very suspect stomach.

By the evening, I was alright. Didn't eat. Which. Might have helped.

I was talking to D in the evening about his work and our sometimes chats about the shape of society. This is the guy who runs a charity. I find talks with him can be really interesting and, actually make a difference. You're not talking about airy fairy theoreticals - well ok, sometimes you are - but more down to earth practical, how to help people, how that works in a late stage capitalist society and yada blah. I have to say at times I become really enthused about what he's doing and his attitude. I feel like being introduced to him has definitely... made a connection with me that was missing.

I admire him for what he's doing, very selfless - arguably somewhat destructively so - but the how he's going about it, and the patterns and templates he's putting down, are, in my opinion, exceptionally good with a brilliant, at times innate, sense of the human condition and the psychology underneath it. He denies it. Says that others must have done similar things. I am not so sure. Amazing things have to start somewhere. Come from somewhere. Someone has to be the first. He has a template for being inclusive and dealing with those that need help that places like schools and social services just fail at and are clueless to manage. In the case of schools often their solution is to just kick those kids out. Or ignore them. If you're lucky they have a - very - small team of people there that are trained in proto psych management.

Having chatted to my sister who is on the other end of that problem - dealing with troubled and or neuro atypical kids at school and is enrolled in learning the shrinkology schools are employing, I get to see a life cycle of at least the bits of the "system" where it interacts with those kids.

D doesn't just stop at kids. It's all sorts.

And all in all whether it's my own experiences, listening to my sister or D, you start to see the Big Picture. How society is currently handling this. How it's spectacularly failing in places.

Personally. I think D should be honestly informing the government about policy. It's that good. His template could easily be rolled out as a national kind of approach. Another layer sitting alongside schools, social workers, a support network of inclusive jobs, activities, care. And I think it would be tremendously beneficial. I honestly think it would be a Big Deal.

He is dubious of such things. Been done before. He has said that the government has before now come along got a basic understanding of what they are doing, tried replicating it, and then failed hard. It is he believes people coming in, deciding they know better, and then fucking it up. In one account his team had to step in to salvage the crashed and burning government scheme. Which after its initial disastrous runs was scrapped.

Too much ego is basically his explanation.

His takeaway is that it doesn't work. My takeaway is I don't think that means there isn't a place to learn from what D is doing. But rather. The people trying to learn it and replicate it need to be a bit more.. down to earth.. and less up their own ass about Knowing Better Than Thou. Basically. Do better in the learning.

I find it all pretty interesting.

And if you wanted to find someone in the world doing good.

Then look no further. They exist. The world is not entirely dark.

I am not sure what the future holds for D. He has no savings or property. Money is an after thought. He admits to probably not making old bones. Which seems fucked up. It's precisely those kind of people you want to be supporting in society. I suspect. Hope. That it will all work out in the end. His family are not exactly short of money. But. Eh.

We talk about the nature of society and its connection with money. How rich people end up being rich, often because, well, they're assholes. And don't give their money out. Or life is arranged around money first. Targets. Incomes. Return of Investment. All that utter capitalist shite. Singing the hymn of the almighty dollar. There are other patterns out there. Capitalism has very much become the force that feeds on itself doing untold destruction as it goes. To people. To the environment. Locked into insane patterns of over consumption, over production, exploitation, lies and spin to cover it all. Meanwhile the suffering of the many worsens and the planet heats up.

Madness.

Yet still people talk like they are some kind of fucking stockbroker bro.

Stuck in their insane patterns. Round and round. Unable, unwilling to look outside the spiral.

Greta Thunberg and her fuck you energy has a point. The anthill needs kicking over.

Anywho. Fuck that.

In the meantime. I think. Find the people that help. Do good. And support each other. Fuck the capitalists.

Moving on.

In a fit of positive energy I have booked an ear appointment for next week.

This is where I get my ears vacuumed out. Slurp.

One of the charming things of being me is that my ears bung up. To the point I lose hearing. It's just yet another terrific failing that I have, albeit this one is manageable. I have in the last few years become a lot more sanguine about it, but, before that, having my hearing suddenly drop out used to drive me absolutely nuts. Frantic. Crazed. Obsessed with blasting my ears out with water.

Then I found a dude in Norwich that would vacuum out your ears. An ex NHS dude. Appointments on short notice. Professional, not just me blasting my eardrums.

So yeah. Next week. A slurp out. My hearing has been wonky this last couple of weeks. This morning it shut off entirely in the left ear. Uh huh. It's time.

Delightful.