May 6

 Blerp. Spent a good portion of yesterday feeling ill. I haven't eaten anything spectacularly obviously bad, however...

Had bran fibre flakes for lunch.. couple of hours later... blerp. Not great. At all.

Hmm.

Combined with the wholemeal bread, I'm wondering if it's a fibre thing. Too much makes me feel shit ? And certain other kinds of food make me feel shit ?

Meh.

I can feel my .. whatever... being worn down by this. My mood. Beginning to become... despondent. If not downright miserable. It's an arse.

Sooo. Don't think I will be in an eating mood today. Gonna go.. zero.. or very light.

I guess. Experimentation wise. I could try high fibre and low fibre similar foods. Rule in or out the whole fibre thing. If. I can motivate myself. See above. My mindset isn't the greatest...

.. all round. Definitely on a downward spiral at the moment. A bumpy ride, sometimes a bit better, sometimes a lot worse, trending.. down.

I am considering shutting off from news for a while. The whole situation in America just seems to get worse and worse and it's starting to make me miserable. It's like watching the titanic slowly sink. Except it's not the titanic. It's America. Disappearing into shit. Striding inexorably into some bullshit archaic religious right past. I don't see a way out. There is no one countering the bullshit. We are in for a multi generational period of archaic wank, rights loss, and evil capitalism I think. The age of "rationality" draws to a close. Which is all very nice. Except then you remember the US has the largest military in the world and a lot of influence, which, is gonna impact everyone else on the planet with their batshit crazy antics. Hopefully they simultaneously disappear up their ass to gaze at their navel whilst replacing science with God Told Me So and wont bother the rest of us. Uh huh.

Gonna try and get my paperwork sorted today. Make the effort Johnny. My nephew comes up to visit me next week. It's going to be a struggle to be honest. I am barely ticking over myself at the moment. Guests are a whole reaching thing above me. Eh well. He will have to take me as he finds me. Poor lad. Needs better role models than me, ha ha.

Positives.

None. Nada. Zip. Flatlining again. Yay. Waves a flag. Does a dance.

Oh I got a blip of a message from Hazel. She got to the US ok. Was detained by customs for 2 hours. They found her suspicious. Went through her phone. Asked about the relationship. Didn't like the long distance relationship.

Nice.

She's got there only to find the boyfriends sister has covid, has given it to the boyfriends mom, and now the boyfriend is sick ( untested for covid ). And now she's living with him. Although. I find the timing of this iffy. She must have known before she went out there. And probably. Ignored it. Didn't tell anyone. Which is peak Hazel shifting the narrative around to suit shitty decisions. It's one of her things. A very bad coping mechanism. But eh, anyway. Now she finds herself sharing space with covid.

So. Good start then.

I had warned her that - even without surprise covid at the other end - airports were particularly stupidly risky at the moment. Eh well. I'm sure she will be ok. She's fully shotted up, and I'm pretty sure she caught virulent covid at the start of the pandemic anyway ( and then gave it to me ).

My aches and pains flared really bad yesterday. Oof. I couldn't move at times. Ah ha. The crippling aches. Except this time they were upper torso. In the past they've been lower torso. Legs etc. It's an unusual set of symptoms. I am gonna make sure to properly hydrate today, and I am popping NSAIDs as I go. See if I can knock this bout of bullshit on the head. In previous times the aches and pains stuck around for years. I do wonder though if it's back to a diet thing. Something I am eating gives me inflammatory flare ups. Not sure.

It could of course just be post viral carpet bombing damage. There are certainly reports of it doing this kind of shit. And it's also very CFS like. So. Eh. Pick your poison.

Life goes on. The suffering continues. Ha ha.

Sigh.

Could be worse. I could be all of that and have fuck all money and on the street. So. Thankful for that at least.

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