Jun 7

 Feeling all round better today.

I didn't in the end shake off my feeling shit for the whole of yesterday. Stuck with me into the evening. Meh.

But today, the fog has cleared a little.

Athena is doing alright. I think she's a little bored / subdued with being stuck in. I haven't taken her out - letting her heal. But she seems pretty good. I might take her for a short walk today. Maybe. Maybe not. As a very senior citizen I can get away with not walking her for days without any impact. In fact. It does her quite a bit of good having rest days. About 2 downtime days is optimal. 1 is maintainable. 0 is, eh, not great, or pushing your luck. But it depends how she's doing. And how long or active those walks were. Short walks everyday you could do. But. I'm not sure she appreciates that half as much as having a long run around. The problem with Athena is, she'll always be up for a nice long walk and run around. And is disappointed if it's short. The problem here is that nice long walks are not necessarily up for Athena. The old lady has trouble knowing her limits. So I do that for her. Which, in general, is your rule of thumb for dogs. You are their wisdom. Don't eat too much. Don't eat that at all. Don't do too much. Don't go nuts. Don't do too little. You are their health care professional, dietician, security, discipline, gym coach and life coach all rolled into one. Doggo parent. In other words. And I try to be very super mindful of how Athena is, and what she needs. That's what I do. All that analytical firepower. Directed at the wellbeing, happines and freedom of a fluffy butt.

 There's a lesson to learn in there about changing, about adpating your routine as time goes on. Once upon a time we were out for 2 hours a day and both her and Ares looked like body builders. Ultra fit. Ultra toned. Now. Not so much. Time. Age. Change comes whether we like it or not. Gently adapting to ever changing realities is wise if not always easy.

I reflected yesterday whilst doing a tiny bit of washing up. That I am ok-ish with beginnings. And absolutely awful at endings. I dislike endings with every fiber of my being. Fuck endings. Fuck death. Fuck things that have stopped and will be no more. Big yikes.

You can also see how that causes me a lot of .. issues.. seeing as things have a natural tendency to in fact end.

Inability to accept reality.

Uh huh. 

Who the fuck ever said reality was a happy wonderful la la state. Just because It Exists. Doesn't mean to say it isn't utterly shit.

I stand by my inability to accept reality. Fuck it. It sucks.

Here's a shit sandwich. It's real ! You have to eat it ! So you have to like it. Accept it. 

No no. A shit sandwich is a shit sandwich. I'll eat it because I have no choice. But I wont like it. And I will continue to say it's shit. And think of worlds in which perhaps we could avoid shit sandwiches. But don't give me the whole bullshit of "well you have to accept it, because that's how it is". Sure. Humans can't fly either. Or stop killer infections. But we worked out a way to do both of those. Despite being how it is.

So. Yeah. Dream a better dream. And call a shit sandwich a shit sandwich.

Thank you for attending my TED talk on why it's ok to reject the current reality.

I am full of ideas today. Gearing up with plans to install beta software for the Charity. I am chewing over the planned difficulties of effectively installing server class software onto a client machine. I mean. It's fine. It will work. But. It's far from ideal.

So. I've had an idea. I actually. Am currently stuck inbetween server machines myself. My old one - perfectly serviceable and oomphy is still in service, whilst my new one, with latest hardware sits half done. It occurs to me. That my old one could have a home at the charity. And that I Should pull my finger out, get the new hardware properly online so that I have the old one free.

It also occurs to me I could pre set it up. Install everything. Then go on a road trip.

Oxford - where said charity is located - is a bit of a way however. And definitely not something I'm keen on doing in a single day - IE, drive 3.5 hours, do on site work, then do 3.5 hours back. Mm. Yeah. No.

So. I could maybe stay down there overnight. Turn it into an impromptu 24 hour working.. holiday.

And take Athena with me.

The office there is already ok with dogs. They have one in the office already. And as I am not charging for anything, eh, I feel that gives me some liberties !

I could take Athena on a working holiday with me. And she can remind me to go take a breath of fresh air and a pee break every few hours.

It's an idea.

It's a lot of effort.

It just seems like an all round really great solution. If I wasn't such a flake.

Eh. We shall see. Maybe I'm just having a bit of a hyper moment. Ask me tomorrow when I am gloomy as shit.