Jul 29

 Had a good day yesterday. A little nausea that shifted. Chilled out. Went swimming. Didn't collapse afterwards. In fact I did a short grocery shop afterwards in a cloud of pool chlorine.

Today I feel somewhat rough. Deeper nausea today. So. The pattern seems to have shifted. Now I am getting nausea which has zero to do with what I'm eating - with the proviso that I am only eating what I know is largely safe for me. Now the nausea comes often a short while after I wake up. And sometimes in the afternoon. Perhaps this is just the rise and fall of my internal hunger, and my stomach getting more... acidy.

Nevertheless. Shit clearly aint right. But. It's largely tolerable at the moment, although very far from good. At least at the moment, the nausea does seem to shift after.. a while.

It does rather lead you back to the whole - the medical profession literally doesn't give a shit however. Clearly a problem. Clearly persistent. Eh. Have you tried just fucking off and not bothering us. Let's see if we can actually do nothing.

Again I compare it to my job. If I had that attitude when given problems. Well. I wouldn't have a job.

Medical profession is fucked up imo. And no it's not an NHS thing per se. I hear this all the time from people all over the world. I think the basic processes in the profession have become dysfunctional. Very possible. Things over time can corrupt or get into bad habits. One bit of my job, business process re-engineering, is to tackle those kind of problems. Where the process is either inefficient, needs upgrading, or in many cases, is actually very fucked up. People tend to like sticking to what they know. And over time they cut corners, or accidently or intentionally add things into the process that are fucky. Lazy. Whatever. Over extended time, things can really come off the rails. Double this for scalability issues, where something works for two people, but is unmanageable for one hundred. People in general are utterly shit at identifying this. I have seen actual examples of people sharing the same small office space, not knowing that they are all approaching the same task in different ways, with different criteria. This was only made apparent to them in a meeting, to talk about their business process. People really are that blind.

The other fact about this is people abhor change to such things. They will fight it. Sulk about it. Sabotage it. Even if you're trying to teach people not to stick their heads into lion mouths and instead be safe. Doesn't matter. People get very attached to a pattern of doing things.

It's difficult. Fixing such things is often less about the logic and solving the problem of how better to do something, and more about cuddling the egos and soothing the tantrums of the people involved in that process. An age ago, when computer systems were first insinuating their way into regular business life, one of the systems I worked with included games in the main menu. Why put such a frivolous thing into the software ? Why put something in that people could use to waste time and not do their job ? The answer. Psychological. It was new. People hated it. But quite liked games. This was a way of getting people to change. The games were removed after people had become used to the system and happy with it.

It also gives you insight into how really not fucking smart we are as a species. We like to judge ourselves by the peak of achievements we have attained, when in reality, those things are outliers. Our true selves is somewhere down in the No, I Dont Wanna kind of behaviour. See for reference the army of Trumpers and GOP in the US.

Todays plan.

Not sure if I will go swimming again today. I kinda want to. But eh. Summer holidays are here. The pool is more busy with rugrats and their often slightly obnoxious parents. Plus it would be a back to back swim day.

Hopefully the nausea passes and I can do some shit. I have been very slowing cleaning and tidying. I'd like to noodle a little in the garden. And as I have better days, I find I want to do things like finish my fire pit. Repaint the kitchen. Repaint the living room. But eh. I know better. Enjoy the good days. Know that sustaining the relative good times is a much harder, if not impossible task. Don't bite off more than you can chew.