July 22

 And just like that, I run face first into a shit day.

I am still mulling over exactly what happened, and how, if at all, it fits into the bigger picture.

The morning started lacking in energy, but eh, ok. By midday I felt.. off. Queasy. Weak. By the early afternoon I had a suspect headache, my legs were wobbly, queasy, just not all there at all. Really. Fucking. Ill.

It had a very familiar feel to it.

I went and had a nap.

Which didn't do much at all.

Then I ate.

Which didn't seem to do much at all.

I napped again.

And slowly and surely the headache shifted by about 6pm, my symptoms lifted, and I felt.. back to ballpark reasonableness.

I'm not sure what to make of it. It had the same feel to a lot of the stuff I've been suffering in the last year and more. It's appearance and disappearance were quite... stark. Switch on. Switch off.

Perhaps it's not. Perhaps it's just a threshold thing, when it gets bad enough it's debilitating. When it's not I can ignore it. Ish.

It crossed my mind post event whether this wasn't some kind of.. different.. migraine.. type thing. It's not exactly far fetched. I can get all sorts of symptoms with my migraines. And. If it was a migraine. That would be the third one in as many weeks. So. Not exactly uncommon at the moment either.

Eh. I am not sure.

Regardless today was mostly a write off. Spent ill, dozing and feeling sorry for myself.

Perhaps I need to adjust what I do and my expectations again to fit this pattern. Some days the lights are just off. Very CFS. But. Eh. This is. More than that I think.

Oh well.

I cut Athena's nails this morning when I didn't feel terrible. I managed to complete almost an entire foot before I left her leap away. She was thankful that she had yet again survived such a traumatic near death experience. Such a baby. I am super careful with her nails, not even close to the quick. Because I know what she's like. Nevertheless. She is a baby. She's fine. All waggy tails and hyped energy after I stop. Just a baby for nail cutting. I wouldn't mind but back in the day I've seen her run full on into barbwire, brambles, chew a bit of her tongue off - nothing. I'm fine. Let's go ! A trim of nails however. Devastating.

Pfft. Princess Athena. Rough and ready, until she isn't interested. See also, does not like getting washed in the bath, loves jumping in rivers. Her way, or no thank you.

She's lovely.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Feb 29

 Anxiety is still riding very high. It's sketching me into weird corners and avoidances. Don't like being out of my bedroom. Don't like being away from my bed. Everything is a tangible holding of breath until I can go back to bed. Very sketchy. I am doing something to try not to give into the rampant mini phobias popping up, but, I'm also giving in at times and just retreating to my hole. And sleeping. Today I dropped off my overnight blood ox monitor. I did a bunch of "anti" things that I reckoned would trigger more the worse end of my sleeping spectrum, and it kinda worked. I woke up at 4am groggy and out of it. I dozedly checked my blood ox. 97%. Perhaps it means nothing. Perhaps it means it's not blood oxygen and sleep apnea. I went back to sleep. Anxiety smothering me I went out to drop off the monitor. Outwardly. I just did it. Inwardly, screaming, don't go out, don't go out, I don't want to go out. A sense of dread. A sick feeling. Awful
Read more

May 9

 Athenas back left leg is limp. Lifeless. Just. Gone. Her right one is only vaguely there, still trying to walk a bit at times. But. No strength. Folded. We have got her up a few times today, to drink, pee, poo. She has got accustomed to being carted around in a sling, her front legs still working. She still looks up. Wants to know what you're eating. She is, as she ever has been, still Athena. Still interested. Still awake. And tomorrow at 11am I take her to put her to sleep. Her legs are gone. Not just an overdid it. They are gone. I do not know or understand how they suddenly went from fine to not fine in 15 minutes. But it has happened. And they show no signs of reversing. Today I made the stupidly hard and fucked up and awful decision to put her to sleep tomorrow. I have crucified myself over it. Today ? Tomorrow ? Monday ? Next week ? Tomorrow. There is no hope. She will not recover. And I will have to snuff out her good life, her beautiful soul, full of curiousity and confid
Read more

Nov 6

 Wake up at 8.20AM with the sound of next door replacing their bathroom. I cannot begin to describe how deathly awful I feel. Shit scraped from the bottom of the barrel. I check the laptop. Set it up for work. And then collapse back to sleep. I worked for some hours last night. I felt a little better, so, I worked. Midday. Awake again. I come out of a horrible horrible place. Everything aches. My eyes are sealed shut with gunk. A wincing pain somewhere around my stomach like a squeeze accompanies my waking. I often get this now. I feel utterly terrible. I have run out of options and coping strategies. So Trump wins with a fairly convincing win. What's the message ? America really hates women presidents ? If nothing else it's clear a large part of the US is fine with all that Trump represents. It was always going to be this way, if not now then soon. The rump of the US is morally bankrupt, happy to occupy a devoid of principles space, large on religious bigotry and hate. The US
Read more