Aug 13

 Super lethargy today. Pinning me down. Drained of all capability.

I super pushed myself to get up. Hang the washing up. Like walking through treacle. So hard.

Not sure why. Heat ? CFS ? Depression ? Fucky gastro ? All of the above ?

I am trying hard to find the spark that kickstarts me for... the evening ? afternoon ?

Jesus, when did just being alive get so difficult.

Flat as a pancake mood wise. White noise. Numb.

Depression ? Sounds like depression.

Eh meh, I've had worse. At least it's not suicidal. Ha.

Today is a hard day. For sure. The old batteries are flickering on empty.

Don't. Be a dick. To yourself. Rest. Do not berate yourself. Oh. Yeah. That. Ok.

Having trouble thinking today too. Not consistently. Fits and starts. Sometimes stringing words together is tricky. Monosyllabic. Then I get a few sentences. Then back to duhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Low energy perhaps.

Well. Let's push. Go play a game. Chat to someone. See if either kills me or cures me.

Ho ho.

Post Edit :

Late evening. It did not in fact cure me.

I gave up and went to sleep instead for a chunk of the afternoon. Upon waking, I felt.. better. Still hot. So. It's not the heat.

There's a nice cool breeze coming in from the window and I feel.. considerably better. But horrendously tired. But "normal" tired. Which is odd as I haven't done shit. But then again. I often feel really tired after I haven't been feeling well. Sometimes the energy being expended is not obvious to see.

I don't know.

Another day. Another weird ebb and flow of energy and wellness. If I could live perpetually at around 10pm on a cool evening, I think I'd be good. Ha.

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