Aug 17

 Struggling everyday, but, just about, painstakingly, doing better.

The nausea has subsided to just .. iffy feelings at some points during the day. And I am feeling less ill for it. Some days I have got up feeling like a truck has run over me, other days are better. I am listening very closely to the ups and downs and pings and dings that I am giving out. It's a kaleidoscope of minor and major alarms going off, very difficult to pick up a rhythm to it.

I have taken to sleeping more again - afternoon naps. More often than not I am tapping out around 1pm and sleeping for.. 45 minutes.. an hour.. 2 hours. I think it helps a lot. Not so many months ago this was my daily routine. Hardcore nap middle of the day. I got past the need for that, but, eh, maybe not as well as I thought.

Mmm. Interesting.

Trying to eat better. And by that I mean, actually remembering to eat. But it's tricky. I am more and more beginning to suspect that the whole ADHD hyperfocus and just.. lost in space thing.. is actually quite a thing with me. I just go about my day. And then realise I haven't eaten in 10 hours. Not hungry. Just. Huh. I don't suppose that's good.

And then I go do something like take Athena for a long slow walk. And am dubious when my energy flags at random.

Heh.

I don't think I'm very good at looking after myself.

Oh well.

Haven't achieved shit of late. I think I'm only just coming up again after a slide into mehhhhhh. I did however fix the shower. So yay for that.

My brain is a bit less numb. And so. The broken shower has irritated me. Such a shitty design of its pressure relief valve. That involves you having to remove the cover, strip the valve out, replace it, fiddly screws, replace the cover, power on, power off, yada blah. When. In point of fact you could just make a simple resettable little plastic valve. That you could access from the outside. No need to pay £6 a pop for new valve. No faffing.

Irritating.

I am idly debating designing a new one, and 3d printing it off. It's not as crazy as it sounds, it's a very veryyy simple valve.

But eh. I'm lucky if I can make dinner. Printing valves sounds way too organised and motivated.

Anywho. Things are a tad better at the moment. But it's a struggle. A fight. Everyday. And so easy to slip. I noted today that one big difference for me now as opposed to me before last year, is that I took being able to do shit for granted back then, never a question, just about motivation. Now I don't get that choice. Now I can't do shit, and am thankful when I am able to do stuff for a short while. It's quite the shift.

Anyway. Stay positive !

Oh. Swimming this week was bliss. The pool was very un busy. So I got to float around unmolested. Didn't do much distance swimming. Mmmm. Something like 25 lengths. But it was very relaxing. I am very much enjoying my new swimming habit.

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