Aug 20

 Big oof.

Perhaps it's just a coincidence, but after changing the timing of my mental meds I felt like utter absolute garbage.

The morning was hideous. Leaden limbs. Super lethargy. A clouded grumbling frontal lobe. A soft migraine, just kicking the front of my head around. I stayed up for a little while. Then went back to bed.

Got back up at midday.

Still felt like garbage.

I carefully did a once over. Leaden limbs. Literally. Like some weight in them all. Hard to get them to lift, do anything. They just want to stay in place. And "sleep". The rest of me is the same. Like some ugly half awake state that is screaming at you to return to sleep.

I tried staying up. Gave up. Went back to bed. Again.

2pm. Got up. The lead in my limbs had eased off. A bit brighter in mind. I think. Finally. I had started to come out from under "the cloud".

Mehhhhhhh.

I'm not sure. Not sure if that is indeed changing the mental med time, and a way slower elimination overnight means I have a "hangover" in the morning. Or it's just a coincidence. ( I heavily suspect the former, given the front of my head feels like a "serotonin" headache ).

I'm also not sure what to do about it. Continue on, and hope it settles down. Or. Was that a warning shot across the bows, yeah, don't do that.

I think. I'll continue on and see if symptoms repeat or get worse or yada.

Suffice to say. No bueno.

It does however raise the prospect that the side effects to my mental meds are also kicking my ass, no matter when I take them. Caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. Mid term. If I suspect that is the case, I might try half dosing them. With its own set of pro's and con's.

Today has been difficult.

I realised at the height of my lethargy that I couldn't make anything to eat. I literally did not have the energy. I needed to eat. Couldn't. Yikes. I went to bed instead. I can also more clearly see how this impacts everything around the house too. Tasks that require steadily more increased levels of energy just.. never get done. I flake out before I can even get there.

Combine that with a scatter brain hyper focus or spaced out brain. A rising and falling level of misery. Eh.

It makes sense. A leaf roiling around on top of white water.

Ho hum.

Perhaps that's what feeds into my need for minimalism ( which I fail to achieve ). I want a house that is empty of things. Clean. Empty. Sparse. So that the energy required to maintain it, matches my own feeble capabilities. At this point I'd be happy living in a box, with a tv, a computer and a sofa / chair. With attendant kitchen and bathroom. No decor. No knick knacks. No clutter.

Perhaps I should have a harder think about how to achieve that. Be even more ruthless chucking stuff out. 

Perhaps I just need a basement to store crap :p

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