Aug 27

 Two good days in a row.

Shocking.

Went for a swim yesterday. Did not flag. Did not tap out afterwards. Did 925m in probably half the time I did it a couple of weeks ago. I could have done more. A lot more. But the pool got busy.

It was. Quite surprising. Stamina was way up. I when I did the whole sprint length thing, I could feel how strong my shoulders were.

This is really somewhere I have not been in a longggggg time. I am used to flaking out, having butt kiss strength, and just having to coax myself along.

Perhaps it was something to do with having a good day before ? Give me a run into things being somewhat normal.. and I get better ?

I dunno. Could just be a coincidence. But for sure the swimming is doing good things for me.

I went grocery shopping right after the swim. Which is testament to how much I was not flagging.

It's starting to become clear to me just how far down the spiral I have been when I got ill. Not only was I super ill. I think I lost so much physical condition during that time. It really did fuck me up. It. Kinda makes sense when you step back and think about it. Oh. You're bed bound for six months. Then an invalid for another 3 months. No shit your physical condition deteriorates and you need physical therapy to get back to where you were. But. At the time. It's not obvious. It's an insidious descent.

Ehh who knows. Maybe it's just bullshit and the vagaries of CFS or whatever mystery goes on waxing and waning in me. Time will tell I guess.

But bottom line. The swimming is doing me good.

I forgot to take my mental meds again yesterday. Double oops. And I ended up sleeping like shit and had some super disturbing and depressing dreams.

Today I have woken up distinctly more shitty. But as time passes I am warming up. Even feeling kinda crappy, it's different. I feel a whole lot better at the moment. Stronger.

Perhaps this is also shifting my med taking to the evening. I've only recently started doing that, and after some days and a few swims, I feel better.

Again. Coincidence ? Quite possibly. Not enough data. My gut tells me it cannot make that much of a difference. It's something else.

In any case. Whatever. Don't fret about it too much. Just enjoy the relative sun on your face for the moment.

Of course on the back of this. I've tidied the kitchen. Cleaned the bathroom. Twice over. Deep cleaned half the kitchen.

Uh huh. Stupidly obvious and shit how that works. No energy in, fuck all out. A little energy back in, stuff gets done.

I still very very much feel on some kind of recuperative not well status. I am not my old self. I still have far to go. But the trajectory in the last - hilariously short - couple of days has been very good. Even if I do slump again, it really does provide good insight into the ways I can be affected, and how much difference it makes overall. It's crazy. Like night and day. Debilitating to capable.

Positive shit anyway.

Positive. I know. Gasp.