Sep 13

 Woke up rough this morning.

Itchy eyes.

It rained again. Allergies spiked. Mmm k.

Been having a lot of sketchy dreams on and off for months now. A lot of them focus around university. And student digs. And failing courses at Uni.

Which is interesting because I've never been to Uni.

I *think* it's a bit of a reaction to living my non conformist life. In this instance, normal what everyone else does life is morphed into University. And getting your whatever it is you're studying for. The reason I suspect that is because sometimes in those dreams my drop out defence is, well, I don't fucking care, have you seen how cool I am at IT, and have done amazing things and y'all are still here scratching your arses wondering what job you are going to get.

Which is odd. But clearly my sub conscious is feeling more than a little defensive about something. Only working 2 days a week ? Not making the most of myself to earn small fortunes ? Stupid if so.

Nevertheless the dreams come up regularly at the moment. Interlaced with sadness, despair and loss.

No bueno experiences. And they linger after waking.

Listen. Fucker. I have enough to contend with without inventing dream scenarios that make me feel bad. If you're going to dream. Dream something nice. Pitch in and help a bit. Eh ?

Pfft.

Talked to a wide range of people in the last week. Very chatty. There are a lot of problems and pain out there. I am firmly realising there is too much out there for me to deal with all of it. Plus I am still toying with the whole emotional exhaustion thing. I've done a little too much chatting and digging lately I think. Eh well.

Yesterday was a lovely swim. A true joy to be in the pool. It's so fucking good. Albeit halfway through my swim I felt something pop in my head. A weird sensation followed by a thunderclap of a headache.

Oh. Ohhhh. Uhhh.

I swam to the shallow end. Can I still move my fingers. Yes. Recite something. Mary had a little lamb its fleece was white as snow. Ok. No language difficulty. Can I move everything. Yes.

Hmm. Not an obvious stroke then.

My head throbbed. Then cleared. Then throbbed.

Slightly alarming. I guess something popped up there, a vessel going. But wonderfully not one that killed me. Hooray.

Still. I cut my swim short with an eye on the fact it could be a very unusual wind up into a mega migraine. I have super rarely had them start like that before. The paralytic (hemiplegic) migraine did the same thing. On reflection it was probably a migraine. But one that wasn't a killer pain wise. I am getting a *lot* of migraines lately and a bunch of related symptoms like vision disturbances and yada. But not all of them are resulting in a kick ass gut wrench floor mewling headache.

Visited Hazel to drop off some groceries. She's suffering at the moment. As women tend to do every month ish. Chocolate she wanted. So I bought her a tub of chocolates. And in case that wasn't good enough - because experience tells me that moody pickiness is not uncommon - I also got her a solid bar of chocolate. All in all, well over half a kilo of chocolate. It occurred to me I still could be wrong. But. I tried. She seemed happy with it all, and the bonus mac and cheese I got her. So, victory.

In other news.

I also managed to put half a foot through my ceiling from the loft space. Excellent. First time in my life I've done that. Hilariously in the only tiny hole thats not boarded in the loft. Typical. 

And dumped a bunch of crap at the dump.

So. A productive day. Get me.

Think I need to rest and sleep and turn the volume down on everything for a few days now. Might go swimming again today. Just to float around the calming waters if nothing else.

Yesterday I achieved a paltry 625m. I wasn't trying. And I left early. Not bad though. And so much better than when I started. Ha.

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