Sep 2

 Today I had decided to clear some more shit out, go to the dump, and then hit up the coast for a nice walk.

None of that happened.

The thunderclouds of a headache rolled in before midday, and as it turned to afternoon, developed into a migraine.

So that was that.

The afternoon passed in a painful medicated slumber. The postie banging on my door got me up at 3.30pm, the backend of my migraine still rumbling at too high an intensity. Such are the perils of being forced out of a migraine sleep.

So. Today is a non starter. Which is frustrating.

I gotta say my incidences of headaches and migraines at the moment is wayyyyy beyond average. I think I'm getting a migraine once a week ish to a lesser or greater extent. And headaches more frequently than that.

Not cool.

As sunset arrived I felt good enough for a walk, so, took the old lady out for another sunset walk down to the river, and took Hazel and Poppy with us as they were up for a walk too.

It was nice. Peaceful. Lovely evening.

Poppy ended up barking for no reason at all at a black guy. Then a chinese guy. I jokingly suggested that Poppy was racist. Hazel was mortified. Heheh. She put it down to just guys. Mmm k. Except me. And her dad. And her boyfriend. She further explained. Mmmm k. Poppy meanwhile was giving me love eyes and trying to kiss me as we sat on the bench. It's your fault, Hazel then said. Ok. She's protecting you ! She thinks you need protecting. Uh huh.

Been speakly briefly to a friend on and off all week. They're working through stuff. In that very tell tale position of already knowing a thing, and what needs to be done. But not wanting to do it. And trying hard to ignore it. Because it's sad. And full of consequences. And love. And pain. And so on.

Difficult.

They have even started to doubt themselves. A full up job of gaslighting themselves, and, listening to a bit of gaslighting from someone else.

No. Stop that.

So. I'm talking to them properly on Monday. Will see how they are. But. I think I need an unsubtle talk to them. Always a tricky call. When - if ever - do you stop just listening, and clip someone around the back of the head. This is the whole. Just listen. Versus. Tell people what to do. Just listening is hardcore wisdom. But. There can also be cases where you are listening to someone drive themselves off a cliff. At some point - after plenty of listening. You need to at least mention that there's a cliff. And they're driving towards it. Try not doing that.

Ultimately. You must always respect someones thinking and decision making. Even if it's bonkers. Be respectful, even if someone is totally self destructive. Very sad. But. Their choice. Perhaps that is wrong. Perhaps you should always intervene. I am uncomfortable with taking away someones choice. Even if deranged. Because who gets to make that value judgement of what's deranged. Each person has their own "truth". Or rather. The world they live in. Fantasy or otherwise. Most people live in some kind of fantasy world. A world of all truth is a brutal and unforgiving place to live.

So I think in the end. In general.

Listen. And support. Support. Support. Listen some more. Let people get there themselves. But where you see an imminent car crash. Say something. Don't beat it to death. Give your advice. Then leave them to think. And make their own choices. Continue to listen. Continue to support.

I think. This is possibly the best approach ?

Advice, in my experience, is rarely acted on. People are locked in their own stories for the most part. You cannot tell people wisdom. They have to find it themselves. At best you can nudge them, or give them the tools or vague directions to find it on their own. But you cannot lead people directly to an answer. It's just how it is. I think people need time to process things. Work through it. There is no shortcut to that journey. Or. Rarely so. Some are better than others in being open minded. But like anything. It's a skill. That takes work. And practice.

It's just how people are. You can't sit down with a MAGA hat, point out a logical fallacy, and then suddenly have them proclaim their beliefs to be bullshit. Doesn't work. They have to walk that long and torturous path themselves.

I treasure relationships where this is not entirely true. And some do actually listen to what you say, and vice versa. It's one level of defensive bullshit removed. And it's lovely. Refreshing. Rare. It requires trust if nothing else.

Anywho.

Weekend. Not sure what to do with it. Possibly try some art. Maybe. We shall see.