Nov 11

 Today feels like the first day in quite a while that hasn't had suffering. I am definitely not 100%, but, eh, it feels a little better than the day before. Again.

I am, it has to be said, eating pretty tightly, although yesterday, against my better judgement ( blame Hazel ), I did eat a Greggs sausage roll. Whilst I love them, I have kinda noted a soft negative effect after eating shit at Greggs. Not sure what it is or if it's real or coincidental.

Anywho. Today. I am no worse for wear.

In the whole mindset of, Johnny is on his own, if I don't fix shit, no one is, I have gone and bought myself some CBD products.

I have been toying with the idea of CBD stuff for years at this point, continually doing my research, looking up the latest papers, and absorbing the whole pros and cons about it.

The long and short of it is, that CBD most definitely has effects. For things like epilepsy, clear, no arguments, good effects.

So CBD isn't snake oil. Or placebo bullshit. It does mess with you.

The question then comes down to, what does it actually do, and what things might it help with.

Which is where it gets a whole lot more fuzzy, contradictory and can wander off into the long grass of snake oil.

Again the long and short of that is, It Depends. There are some studies, nothing conclusive, some contradictory, some positive, some no effect, and on the whole it lies very much in the eh, this is probably more witchcraft than science. Or personalised, one size does not fit all kind of thing. One thing is absolutely clear. It is no slamdunk solution for everything to everyone ( except possibly the epilepsy ). If it was, you best believe the big ass pharma companies would be all over it, selling you a daily supplement with health science backing it up the wazoo.

It's not. And it isn't.

Then again, a lot of mad frog pills these days fall under the same kind of grey area. Trials have resulted in both successes and failures where the response is no better than placebo giving the current pharma wisdom a real existential angst moment. Do these drugs in fact, do nothing. The answer is tricky. They do. But not how it was once thought. And. It's different for different people. No one size fits all.

Tricky.

Anywho.

There are some studies purporting to positive effects from CBD on anxiety, inflammation ( this one gets covered a lot, and definitely seems to be a thing, if not a universal thing ), pain, arthritis and IBS. But other studies find nothing. Or negative effects, increased anxiety and yada. So. Uh huh. ( again this feels very much like mad frog pills which can absolutely help with things like anxiety and conversely make them a lot goddamn worse too.. it can often depend on just who you are, and what your brain chemistry is like, and enters an area where the scientists don't know, and people like GPs.. forget about it... they don't even have a clue about the conversation going on ).

In the spirit of experimentation I have me some CBD products. I will be dosing myself up over the coming weeks and seeing if it does anything. How will I know ? Well. I wont. If I feel like shit, you can probably safely say, yeah, this isn't doing squat that is appreciable to my issues. If I feel better then it might have had an impact. Or just be coincidental.

In any case. Worth a whirl. See how it goes. Experiment. Test. Document. Move on. Science. Except it's just a case study of one. Me. But that's all I care about. I am not launching a line of new drugs for a pharma. I just want to feel better ( and the NHS or perhaps GPs don't give a shit about that ).

I am also eyeing up some inulin soluble fibre. This has a much more concrete and studied effect on people for the positive and could be right in my wheelhouse. Prebiotic. Good for insomnia, gut health, and blah. Uh huh.

There is a possibility there that, maybe as I've got older, or been laid waste to by virals, and with a modern shitty additive laden diet, some tinkering with the basics may be necessary.

After all, you get a headache, you take a paracetamol.

Perhaps some extra nudges for gut health et al could be helpful to me.

So. Trial and error. Stay positive. Trying to fix my issues. Come to peace with the fact that the NHS wont, cant do anything to help.

Back to hedge witchery. With a discipline of scientific method. And the help of the internet and reading scientific papers and studies ( all of which are helpfully available, so you can see the actual results from the people studying this shit ).

There is a very perverse world in there, where your bullshit GP, trained to be a dancing monkey of pushing pills and cycling through appointments every 15 minutes is actually the shittest choice you can make, if you have the resources to actually read the science that is applicable to you yourself. No GP is going to bother spending as much time researching you as you are. Perhaps the age of that generalist condescension one size fits all is done. Much like TV.

The internet is nothing if not a paradigm breaker.

Just be smart enough not to buy into Healing Crystals R Us. Read the studies.

I'm feeling optimistic about it all. The probability is I find nothing of use. But. At least I am doing something useful. Each new test is a bit more information about what works or what doesn't. And is at least a plan to move forwards.

In a lovely world, this is exactly what your health providers should be doing for you.

Ha.

Fuckers.

It ocurs to me that GPs are to healthcare, like a tin of supermarket own brand bargain baked beans are to the culinary arts. If a tin of shit baked beans also suffered from a monstrous god complex and inability to admit mistakes. So. Like a really fucking obnoxious tin of baked beans. That insulted you as you opened them.

Roll on technology. Replace the GPs with AI's please. And thank you. I trust the machines. I do not trust middle class know it alls that are actually no talent ass clowns. *

Not all GPs are this. Some are good. Good luck finding the diamond in the shit pile.