14th Jan

Meh. These pages have become a slog through a bumpy patch. Not much interesting to read here. Just me getting out the days and problems in my head. A twisty form of journalling. So very pro mental health. Eh heh. Hmm.

Rough day yesterday.

Perhaps the aftermath of the busy work and hospital day. Funny that.

In a 24 hour period I slept 21 hours. Insane. Friday for me pretty much disappeared.

And that oh so familiar vague nausea floated around me in sleep, when awake. I nearly threw up in the early hours it got so bad. 

Ho hum.

Been here. Done that. Got the T Shirt.

I skipped taking my meds last night. I suspected they had been contributing to filling my head full of concrete, and today, I feel a bit lighter, a bit clearer. But eh. We will see. I still feel like I could just sleep non stop. It takes effort not to, and sometimes a stupid amount of effort.

I had a plan for yesterday. Go out with Athena. Get some groceries. Cut a shelf. Tidy up the computer desk.

I did zero. And the day disappeared instead.

Pflah.

Hopefully the nausea is just a 1 or 2 day thing, and not its usual pattern of months followed by an off period.

There's quite a weird gap between what I want to do, and what I can do at the moment. It's been there for the few years where my health has been hosed, but of late, it's really apparent.

I want to do a bunch of stuff. But I just never have the energy. Or am awake. And so I don't. The days blip by. Turn into weeks. And nothing gets done.

I'll give you a stupid example.

After months dithering about buying another monitor, I eventually gave in and bought one. It's been sat in the dining room for a week. As stupid as it sounds it took me a day to move the cable from downstairs to upstairs. Another day to unpack the power brick. And it just drifts. And becomes.. just part of the background. 

I have a new server which is... at this point... I don't know... several months old. Still not quite finished. Abandoned on the floor. A new network storage device. Not plugged in. Not setup. Abandoned. And let's not even talk about the boxed up 3d printer.

Uh huh.

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