22nd Jan

Athena is sleeping long. Low energy. Low everything.

I have taken to basically baby sitting her unless she is asleep.

I have both my eyes on her.

After struggling with some steps, she actually did, eventually, make it up the stairs herself this afternoon. A small victory. I wanted to see if she could do it. She balked a few times. Then came up without too much faff.

It's like a switch has suddenly flicked in her, and all the weight of her years has suddenly landed in one big hit.

But. Sometimes the way with dogs. Fine. Right up until you're not.

She has had lunch, a pee, a poop, and gone back to bed.

We'll leave it a few hours and then do a lap around the block.

Who knows, she still might improve yet.

But. Really. She's not. I know it. The whole of me knows it, and has entered into that weird high stress, high fuckery, super alert mode. But we shall see.

Beyond that.

I touched pretty low yesterday. It lingered. Felt the before. Not good.

Path is downwards at the moment.

It's only going to get worse hereon in.

I can't breathe at the moment. Metaphorically holding my breath. Everything thrown in the air and time has paused.

Take a big gulp of air. Hold it. High pitched whine. It's that poised on a knife edge stress.

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