23rd Jan

 Athena remains about the same. Sometimes a little better. Sometimes not.

Thinking about it and putting two and two together in hindsight, I wonder if she has succumbed to cushings.

She's been losing a lot of hair in the last month or so - which I didn't think too much about, but noted it was weird. Perhaps I thought, she just really needed a brush. She's always been a bit of a hairy beast. But it's been extreme of late. Hazel even noted it.

She's also been a good deal more thirsty. Again. Didn't think much about it.

But put it all together and it sounds like Cushings. Ares had the same run in.

Today I've made an appointment with the vets, we will go tomorrow 9am. I'm not sure there is a lot that they can do for her, but, if it is cushings ( blood test will be required to confirm ), then some meds may help her out, which, in the circumstances is probably the best outcome. I haven't voiced my suspicion to the vets. We will see if they come up with the same idea.

Unsurprisingly perhaps, seems like I've fucked my back up a bit. That'll be from humping a 28kg up the stairs.

Elsewise. Yikes. Losing it. At times I am ok. At other times I am going properly crazy. Again. It's that whole horrible out of my control stage. Sleep seems worse. Massive spikes of anxiety whilst asleep, wakes me up, adrenalin pumping, hot flush, dry mouth. There I am just, calmly lying there. Hello. Yes. No need for adrenalin. Not my control. Also periods of bonkers manic thoughts. Just. Nonsense. But running at a million miles a minute. Pinging around.

Last night I slept with chest pain for the majority of the night. I am guessing an anxiety reaction. Either that or cardio. Or both. I'm going with anxiety. Squeezing the heart.

The pattern is new for me. Periods of lucidity - mostly when awake. Periods of losing it - mostly when dozing or asleep. Losing it in the past usually sticks. For months. I seem to be bouncing in and out. Perhaps this is the meds forcibly righting me.

Tough. I'm on the edge of losing it entirely. 

Meh. I need to be better at this.

But I'm not. And it's out of my rational control.

Focus on the vet appointment tomorrow. Maybe there is improvement there to be had. But nevertheless. We're in the end game.

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