27th Jan

 Today has been a disaster.

I thought my body clock had finally just about been wrestled into place.

But no.

Went for a "nap" at 9am ish. Woke up briefly at 6pm. Woke up properly at nearly 1am. 

So Friday disappeared. Entirely. Uh huh.

Filled in my taxes today. Somewhat late, but eh.

Had to trawl through my accounts.

Noticed that the missing payment Andy had agreed to pay, had itself... been missed.

Amazing.

The dude continues to be zero trustworthy with money. Slippery as an eel and guaranteed to at some point or other fuck you over for money. Not if. But when. Guaranteed. Same behaviour for 10 years and more. Not a one off blip or mistake, a pattern of behaviour. Funny that it's never in my favour. Always the other way around.

As has been going on for years. Every slip, every non payment, every compromise of non full payment funds the business to piss money up the wall. I feel like every Xmas dinner since ever has probably been funded on the money that I've been done out of.

Meh.

I have given him a gentle kick. I can't be arsed to go to town on it.

Nevertheless. Continual lessons in, do shit for yourself, not for the person that may or may not pay you for hard work.

Shit deal.

From a management perspective it's abysmal. The behavour can only inspire absolute zero loyalty and inclination to pull for the team. I mean. Trust is a two way street. If there's none coming from the other side, then why bother.

Ah well.

Athena is ok. I failed to pick her anti biotics up today because of losing the day. I will try tomorrow. I had to scoot her up the stairs at one point. We've come to a new understanding in teamwork. She gets what I am doing. I pick her ass up, she does the front. So rather hilariously she stepped up the stairs with her front legs, I levitated her ass and pushed her up. It worked well. And doesn't do my back in. She weighs wayyyyy less at the rear. I would guess less than 8kg. All the weight is up the front in a boxer. She did actually wait for me at the bottom of the stairs this time too. Hey. Heyyy. I want to come up. Ok. I gotchu.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Feb 29

 Anxiety is still riding very high. It's sketching me into weird corners and avoidances. Don't like being out of my bedroom. Don't like being away from my bed. Everything is a tangible holding of breath until I can go back to bed. Very sketchy. I am doing something to try not to give into the rampant mini phobias popping up, but, I'm also giving in at times and just retreating to my hole. And sleeping. Today I dropped off my overnight blood ox monitor. I did a bunch of "anti" things that I reckoned would trigger more the worse end of my sleeping spectrum, and it kinda worked. I woke up at 4am groggy and out of it. I dozedly checked my blood ox. 97%. Perhaps it means nothing. Perhaps it means it's not blood oxygen and sleep apnea. I went back to sleep. Anxiety smothering me I went out to drop off the monitor. Outwardly. I just did it. Inwardly, screaming, don't go out, don't go out, I don't want to go out. A sense of dread. A sick feeling. Awful...
Read more

May 9

 Athenas back left leg is limp. Lifeless. Just. Gone. Her right one is only vaguely there, still trying to walk a bit at times. But. No strength. Folded. We have got her up a few times today, to drink, pee, poo. She has got accustomed to being carted around in a sling, her front legs still working. She still looks up. Wants to know what you're eating. She is, as she ever has been, still Athena. Still interested. Still awake. And tomorrow at 11am I take her to put her to sleep. Her legs are gone. Not just an overdid it. They are gone. I do not know or understand how they suddenly went from fine to not fine in 15 minutes. But it has happened. And they show no signs of reversing. Today I made the stupidly hard and fucked up and awful decision to put her to sleep tomorrow. I have crucified myself over it. Today ? Tomorrow ? Monday ? Next week ? Tomorrow. There is no hope. She will not recover. And I will have to snuff out her good life, her beautiful soul, full of curiousity and confid...
Read more

Nov 6

 Wake up at 8.20AM with the sound of next door replacing their bathroom. I cannot begin to describe how deathly awful I feel. Shit scraped from the bottom of the barrel. I check the laptop. Set it up for work. And then collapse back to sleep. I worked for some hours last night. I felt a little better, so, I worked. Midday. Awake again. I come out of a horrible horrible place. Everything aches. My eyes are sealed shut with gunk. A wincing pain somewhere around my stomach like a squeeze accompanies my waking. I often get this now. I feel utterly terrible. I have run out of options and coping strategies. So Trump wins with a fairly convincing win. What's the message ? America really hates women presidents ? If nothing else it's clear a large part of the US is fine with all that Trump represents. It was always going to be this way, if not now then soon. The rump of the US is morally bankrupt, happy to occupy a devoid of principles space, large on religious bigotry and hate. The US ...
Read more