22 Feb Suffering++

 Holy fuck.

An awful day. Today I got another migraine. A nasty one. One of the nastiest ones. I'd call it a top 3 migraine. Not the very worst. But up there.

It came on slow. Masqueraded as a headache. I did the right thing. Stopped when I realised. Took 3 aspirin. Tried to sleep.

It got worse, and worse and worse. I couldn't sleep with it. It would pull me out in 5 seconds. I slow breathed. I calmed. I let the waves of pain wash over me.

Didn't work.

It got worse.

My shit response tickled first. Whilst I was still in the shallows of it being absolutely awful.

The pain sweats kicked in. Dumping all my heat. Pooling sweat in my eyes, my collar bone, any recess, a pool of sweat, everything damp. Nausea kicked in. And then. Yeah. Throwing up. Repeat. Throwing up. Repeat. Except there was no relief this time. No relief in the throwing up bits.

I just lost it at some point. Just. A ball of suffering, nothing else. Time slowed. I collapsed to the bathroom floor.

Back to bed. Throwing up again 10 minutes later into a bowl on the floor.

Somewhere along the line it calmed. I stopped mewling. I slept. Hours passed and I woke up, a clear head. For 5 seconds. Boom. Oh ok it's just the after effects. Boom. Ok, not the after effects. Boom. Oh no.

Go back to sleep. FFS. So I cleared my thoughts, and headed back into the oblivion of sleep.

This pattern has repeated. It is now 8pm. I feel sick. The migraine has not gone away, it is snoozing, grumpy, most definitely not gone. I am tip toeing around it. It threatens to wake up at any moment, right on the edge. My throat is raw from throwing up.

The problem with throwing up when there is nothing there, not even water, is all you get is acid. 100% acid.

This, as it turns out, is really quite no good bad for your throat.

I don't feel hungry. Or thirsty. Just sick. And ill. And sore. A whole day of this. My tinnitus is screeching. Has been for a few days.

Every so often I get stomach flips. A hiccup. A retch. I think my stomach has PTSD ! It's not happy. Nothing in it. Thinks it needs to keep purging.

What a delightful rollercoaster of wonderous experiences I have. Enjoy life ! Look on the bright side !

There is no fucking bright side. I'm not dead in a ditch ? I mean. As Creed likes to say. I'm six feet from the edge, and I'm thinking, maybe six feet aint so far down.

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