May 1

 Kept my head down today. And much in the rest category. I've felt fragile for a lot of the day, but pottered around playing some games in the middle of the afternoon. I have not pushed at any edges. Because I kinda fear what happens if I do. But also I don't fear it. I feel like I am losing my mind to some extent chasing my tail round and round. Anxiety. But also limbo. Purgatory. Like waiting for the other shoe to drop. A big part of it is not knowing whether to plan for the next hour, the next day or the next year. They say you should live each moment like it's your last, which, is good advice. But. There are practicalities. How food for you need. Should you pee now. How much money will it take. It matters.

Athena has matched my mood, she's been very low energy - I'm pretty sure she's feeling the weight of being on the last day of her meds. Tomorrow is her next shot. She's done better this month, but the sudden tail off is fairly brutal. I am confident she will perk back up again tomorrow after her shot.

Work tomorrow. Vets tomorrow. I still have shit to sort out for work. But then I am taking time off. My head is a mess. My body is a mess. I am a mess.

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