May 10

 A better today and yesterday.

No reason for it. Everything is as it was. Still struggling. Health is a joke. Yada blah.

But I have gone up mentally. A little better. A bit of strength. Able to stand up and not crumple into a heap. And think about the worst. And not bend before it.

It wont last. Nothing ever does. Good or bad. But it's made the last couple of days easier to live with.

Perhaps after Monday everything by comparison has to be better ?

Been working a lot last few days. Not great. But it is what it is. I am, to a certain extent, humming once more. Ploughing through difficult tasks. And kicking down highly technical doors. Some old. Lots of new. And all the crappy arcane to get them to play together.

I still need a long rest.

Went out for a walk today and it promptly stormed across Norwich. Torrential rain. Which left us stuck in the car. So we had a coffee and a sandwich and a cake whilst we waited it out. In hindsight, probably not great. I've never been great going for a walk after eating. Always a bad idea. Today I did it and promptly felt rough. Sluggish. Sleepy. Struggling. I battled through it waiting for a worse hammer to fall - the cramps. But they never came. And I hovered around the, not super well, want to sit down, fall asleep level of physical difficulty.

I swear. My cardio is shot. But meh.

Athena is slower this last week. Even post anti arthritic shot. She's slowing down ever more. To be expected. She is soon 13 and a half. Still sad.

Today I do not feel like curling into a ball and committing slow suicide. I feel like I could chill for a while. And exist. And it wouldn't be horrific. Ask me tomorrow.

Anywho. Have a short video from today, after the storm has passed. The audio misses the deep bassy rumbling. Shitty phones. You had to be there. It made the ground rumble.


 

And. A small part of me is aware, I am very lucky to be able to spend such lovely time, in a lovely place, trailing after a happy doggo exploring a world full of interesting things. Norwich is beautiful. I am lucky to be here.

There's nothing wrong with that situation. The wrong is within me. I'm the broken one. The world is broken too. But. Bits of it. Are definitely not broken. But I still am. Problem is me.

But anywho.

Better day today.

The blueberry muffin was delicious as ever. Moist. Muffiny. Poppy and Athena agreed. Muffin. Good. To be a dog so simple in your joys. Best thing ever. Is sitting in a car. Eating muffin scraps.

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