Jun 8

 Working stupid hours I struggled to get down to see my family at the weekend.

I had intended to go on Friday after I "did a bit of work". Which turned into an all nighter of me finishing at 4am Saturday. On Satruday I felt so goddamn awful that my initial instinct was just to call it off and go another time. But I rolled over, went back to sleep and when I woke up again, this time more like midday, I felt awful, but awful enough that I could probably grit my teeth and go.

I ended up getting down there at 4pm. Tired. Exhausted. Took Athena with me. I stayed a single day - basically I wanted to do a fly by visit, drop off my Sisters gifts, then get back for more work.

Athena struggled on Saturday. I came to the conclusion that she's too old for such long journeys now. It really took it out of her and she creaked around in the later afternoon and early evening looking very old.

The return journey she seemed to do better and was more lively when we got back. I think because the overall experience was shorter - I literally had to gently coax her out of sleep to go home, where as on the way down she was following me about packing and farting around.

Not sure how much of it is that she is comfortable at home. And not so comfortable at my brothers. Despite his dogs being better behaved, one of them is still a bit of an ass. It could be that too.

In any case. Athena was subdued. I don't think I can take her down to my brothers anymore. Or on any longer journey.

By Monday I was working again and pulled an all nighter once again. Blizted through Tueday, did another all nighter, which leads us up to Wednesday.

I got perhaps 4 hours sleep before getting back to it. Wednesday was client show day and Andy had set off to Sheffield to show them the project - at this point just about complete.

After a morning with a grumbling headache, by midday it had turned into a migraine. And what followed was an evil migraine that would not shift.

After a lot of pain I managed to sleep, woke up after 4 hours - still evil. Rinse and repeat. Three times. It took 12 hours for it to start to shift.

It was a pretty bad one, I broke out into nasty pain sweats to the point I was drenched. I also had a lot of weird effects with this one - lost feeling in my lower legs, extremities were freezing cold, arms had pins and needles, and my chest felt weird. Struggling. Compressing. Very woozy. Dizzy. The room span.

Eh.

Not good. Understatement.

Our new dev has started. Questions for me about why this, or how that. Despite a few years under his belt he is green.

I wasn't able to do much for him. I am stacked with work. And for yesterday blew out into a migraine.

So here we are today.

There is, of course, work to do. Always. And new work has popped up.

The client is very happy with what they have. Both Andy and the client are now in good spirits and talking about submitting the work for an industry award. I can see what they mean. But. Eh. I kinda roll my eyes. It's nice. But not awards nice. Still. I've seen other dubious shit get awards. I don't think the process is very rigorous. The blind leading the blind and just circle jerk congratulations. 

Perhaps I am being a hard edged cynic.

I don't think so. I know what's truly good. With all due respect to the client, andy, the awards people. They don't know their arse from their elbow. You could show them a foil wrapped piece of garbage and they would tell you how pretty the foil was.

Anywho. Such is life in general. It's cool. And I should not piss on peoples parades. I just have a different eye for that stuff. And its worth.

I think Andy realises he has kinda burned bridges over this project. He seems torn between needing me to do stuff and also not coming across as a bad guy, and also actually giving a shit that he is not doing me any favours at all. So. He's backed off over the horizon. I guess this is him attempting to do the best thing and not piss me off. It's uh. Not great to be honest. From pillar to post. Is it done yet is it done yet is it done yet. To silence.

Heh.

Ho hum.

I spoke to my brother yesterday in the midst of me trying at one point to forcefully recover from a migraine that at that point had been going on too long. I just got him to talk at me. I explained, very briefly, what I was doing. And that he was being my distraction from pain. At one point he started telling me it wasn't worth it. Or something to that effect. To be honest the words have blurred. Migraine. I can't really remember what he said. But it was basically saying why are you working this hard, putting your health at risk. Life is short. Stop.

Today I have slowed down, but still working.

Ominously Andy has a list of things the client have now asked for, changes, questions et al, and again, another urge to, oh, if we get this live quicker we can submit it for a prize. Nonsense. The usual time anxiety. Doesn't matter how long you spend. Always another target on the horizon. Go go go go go go. It's beginning to smell like a long period of post project bullshit.

I am not here for it.

I daresay this will be a clash of priorities. Me taking time off. Andy wanting me to continue to work. Of course.