Nov 11

 Yeesh. Managed to play an online game a little in the late evening, but it was rough. The migraine - I am guessing - messed with me a long time. And I also got wonderful secondaries, like, the shakes.

Also. My stomach is not sitting right. Nausea when empty. Painful. Fizzing. Sigh. It very much feels like when I've had the suspected but never confirmed ulcers in the past. It does seem to have a habit of turning up on a semi regular basis ( as apparently they can do, and you need to get them fixed - the NHS for its pains refuses to even look, so, yay ? ). Perhaps it's just... feeling... a bit... bruised. Perhaps the aspirin set it off, although, unhappily it wasn't right before the aspirin, so, meh.

Siiiiggggh.

A never ending clown car of bullshit.

I don't need to mention my ass is a state again at the moment do I ? No ? No. Good.

Goddamn this is miserable.

I need to get that will properly in order.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Feb 29

 Anxiety is still riding very high. It's sketching me into weird corners and avoidances. Don't like being out of my bedroom. Don't like being away from my bed. Everything is a tangible holding of breath until I can go back to bed. Very sketchy. I am doing something to try not to give into the rampant mini phobias popping up, but, I'm also giving in at times and just retreating to my hole. And sleeping. Today I dropped off my overnight blood ox monitor. I did a bunch of "anti" things that I reckoned would trigger more the worse end of my sleeping spectrum, and it kinda worked. I woke up at 4am groggy and out of it. I dozedly checked my blood ox. 97%. Perhaps it means nothing. Perhaps it means it's not blood oxygen and sleep apnea. I went back to sleep. Anxiety smothering me I went out to drop off the monitor. Outwardly. I just did it. Inwardly, screaming, don't go out, don't go out, I don't want to go out. A sense of dread. A sick feeling. Awful...
Read more

Jul 22

 Therapy day yesterday. I have wandered off on so many tangents this post, I've decided to mark the waffle. So it's skippable.  When I had met up with Hazel some days prior, and gone over some of the Not Great things the shrink had got up to, I got the entirely predictable Hazel response. Anger. If there's going to be a response you can set your watch to with Hazel, it's going to be be protective anger. Regardless of appropriateness. She laid into the shrink and listed the many ways that Wasn't What A Shrink Should Do. They Are Shit. etc.  Skippable Content Waffle - Click me [SKIPPABLE TANGENT]  Like the echo of the challenges she faces however, she always lays in 150%. Stretches the thing to some untenable level, with also some collateral damage - you also end up getting winged in the crossfire. I had been having problems with the shrink all the time. None of it was working out. Shrink is a hot mess. etc. This is patently untrue. I ended up having to defen...
Read more

Nov 6

 Wake up at 8.20AM with the sound of next door replacing their bathroom. I cannot begin to describe how deathly awful I feel. Shit scraped from the bottom of the barrel. I check the laptop. Set it up for work. And then collapse back to sleep. I worked for some hours last night. I felt a little better, so, I worked. Midday. Awake again. I come out of a horrible horrible place. Everything aches. My eyes are sealed shut with gunk. A wincing pain somewhere around my stomach like a squeeze accompanies my waking. I often get this now. I feel utterly terrible. I have run out of options and coping strategies. So Trump wins with a fairly convincing win. What's the message ? America really hates women presidents ? If nothing else it's clear a large part of the US is fine with all that Trump represents. It was always going to be this way, if not now then soon. The rump of the US is morally bankrupt, happy to occupy a devoid of principles space, large on religious bigotry and hate. The US ...
Read more