Nov 16

 Think I might have discovered something.

Sleeping on my right side straight up. Makes me struggle. Breathing struggle. Gives me a woozy head. Super black eyes. Almost like something is not working right. Squished. Struggling. Whatever. I think I've noticed a correlation. The longer I sleep like that, the worse I get. And I mean, really worse. It's also offset somewhat by how much caffeine I've had. The more. The better. I wonder. If this isn't a heart / fitness malarkey thing. Shitty heart struggling. Who knows. More data required. I will make a conscious effort to try sleeping on my leftside a lot more. And somewhat facedown. And see if it makes a difference.

Today. It seems is reach out day.

For no good reason whatsoever, I have reached out to renew contacts with people I have largely ignored for a year or more. Not because they are bad people. Just because I have isolated myself. It's not you. It's me.

But today I have pinged out. Hey. How you doing. I want to know.

No idea why. Just did.

Perhaps it's the result of a couple of interactions. Perhaps not.

I sent an email out to my very long term friend from school. And he sent a long missive back. It was good to hear from him. He seems to be doing good. In the framework of a 50 something year old. He seems tired and weary. But doing good. And it gave me a little heart to hear him talking about what he was getting up to. Even though it's very different now - we are very different - it was a flashback to our earlier days of swapping notes. Still trucking.

I also briefly spoke to Andy. Said I had a surgery date. He immediately offered to pick me up drop me off. Too far for him. But I confessed I didn't have a pickup plan in place. So he repeated his offer. And that's that. I am very grateful to him. It's a long drive for him. Stupid long. But he said he was happy to do it. So there we are. And is an example of his very good side. People, are never entirely one thing or another. Complicated. Life is complicated and messy. And rarely gets to be coloured in between the lines. It bears remembering I think when things are shit. Or shitty. That sometimes shit does happen. Try to be kind and understanding, and don't judge too harshly. Easier said than done. I think this is the paradox of being a human. We all have the capacity for being an asshole and an angel.

In any case. Perhaps my "restoring faith in humankind" couple of interactions have sub consciously inspired me to reach out to all and sundry. Given me a bit of energy to talk. And see how people are doing. I think. When I am functioning. I do like doing it. I like hearing how people are doing. And I care how they are doing. It's important.

Anywho. Pfft.

My friend mentioned about taking up Badminton ( again ), kind of on the orders of his doctor. Bad blood pressure. Needs a bit of exercise. And how much that had been helping him. Mmm. I think I know how that goes. And it's a reminder to me I need to get back to swimming. I will definitely take this up again post surgery. And I think I might try to sneak in a visit pre surgery - assuming my dodgy ass has a good day. It will be good to get back into the pool. I am an idiot for not having done so earlier. My health really does demand it.

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