Jan 23

 ... and a worse day. My brief blip yesterday of feeling a bit better is done. Today was hard. Much of my plans for what I wanted to get done today disappeared. In the end all I could do was half a day of work. And that was literally it.

Sleep was very problematic. I woke up at 6am with my eyes dropping out of my head. Punched. Awful. Exhausted.

I got up. Tried washing my face. Changing t shirt. Anything I could do for a reset. Then went back to bed.

At 8am I woke up from the depths. Sluggish. Groggy. Feeling terrible. If the day was going to be like this, I was going to need to skip work again. I went back to sleep.

Just after 10am I repeated the process. Felt terrible. But committed to staying up. And doing something. And noodled my way through work.

By midday I was awake and with it, if not exactly well. A headache thrummed over my right eye. Migraine territory. But I ignored it. ( oh no ).

I had a chat with Andy, blew off some steam had a catch up. It was good. 

Byt mid afternoon I realised I would not be doing anything today except working as my headache increased and... yeah.. shifted into early migraine with increasing strength.

That's it. Day over.

I flopped to sleep.

And woke up 30 minutes later, the migraine worse. Ok. Ok. Not good. I need to properly take care of this. Handful of aspirin. Water. Darkness. Quiet. And sleep goddamn it.

And that was my day.

It's early evening now. My head hurts in that post migraine shitty is it coming back or is it done brutalised kind of way. My eyes are sunken. And I am feeling very sorry for myself. I woke up and just whimpered for a while. Literally. Just. Whimpering.

Sigh.

Sometimes I find vocalising the pain helps a bit. It lets it out. Rather than keeps it in. And sometimes you don't get a choice. But often it's a case of concentrating to not do that. But when you just let it out anyway. It helps.

*googles* "vocalising pain helps"

Apparently it's not just my imagination. Vocalisation of pain helps with pain. Uh huh. Who knew.

I feel the strangest need to stick my head in a bucket of water.

Really.

Remove all the gunk.

Perhaps it's a twisted way of wanting to go for a swim.

Or perhaps it's a swim that allowed me to stick my head in a - very large pool shaped - bucket of water.

I will take it easy for the rest of the evening. And try again tomorrow.

If I close my eyes, for one, two, three, four seconds, when I open them again I get a strong lurch, disorientating, a brief shocking tug on the front of my brain almost physical. Like someone just shoved you. Or punched you. And the feeling of having been in deep water and being pulled out of it.

Curious.

And super fucky.

Everything alright then.

Ho. Ho.


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