Feb 23

 An agonising 24 hours. Filled with half assed heating engineers. And waking up to a leaking ceiling dripping water on me. And of course. Athena being at deaths door.

Athena has oh so slowly improved. Not good. But getting slowly better. She's wobbling a lot. She squeaks with pain with her front leg, still, weirdly, super painful to her. But. Every 6 hours that goes by, a little of her old self comes back.

She is currently sticking to me like glue. Unusual. Where I go. She wants to go. I get up. She gets up. She is still Athena. And wants to see what's outside the door. Go for a small wander. But where I am. She is. By and large. She's vulnerable. And sticking close to her dad I guess. As all of us tend to do when wounded. Seek home. Seek safety. Seek loved ones. Curl up.

I truly thought I had lost her yesterday she was so bad. And even now. She is not out of the woods. But she is better than yesterday. I don't know whether the trend continues or it reverses or stays as it is. I have been carrying her down the stairs with me everytime I go downstairs and she inevitably follows. Hefty. 

This evening I tried sneaking away from her downstairs to get some food. But she noticed. But then laid back down. Ok. For once going to let me go. Only two minutes later to have managed to get down the stairs on her own, and followed me to the kitchen. That's the first time since Tuesday she has done that.

Yesterday during the huge stress, the lazy heating engineer returned to have a stab at fixing the problems he had created, before charging me £180 and declaring he had done all he could short of replacing the entire system. Ok. Thanks. I knew this not to be the case. My attention was not on lazy heating engineers however. Just. Go.

I resolved to do a few simple fixes myself when I was a) feeling not ill and b) did not have the weight of stress and tiredness on me from Athena.

Went to bed early. Exhausted. Stressed. Miserable. Hopeless. Athena had improved the tiniest bit in the early evening. But. A worry. She was with me, in the bedroom. I slept. She slept. Peace. Escape into the oblivion of sleep and a different world.

I woke up early in the morning, something had splashed my hand. One in a million shot. My hand was directly underneath a leak that was coming from the ceiling. I knew where that was. The water tank. The heating shenanigans had somehow fucked the water tank.

Got up, went up to see, sure enough, an overflowing tank. I wheezed through getting a bucket a scoop, moving stuff around in the loft. I started to flag hard. Ill. Sweating. Wheezing. Just like my heart is shit eh ?

I emptied out enough of the tank to find that the ball float valve had developed a slow leak. Constantly filling the tank. Second issue. The overflow wasn't working. So the whole thing had filled up, overflowed, and was now dripping into my bedroom.

I jiggled the valve. Slowed the leak to the slowest of drip. Needed a new float valve. Needed to sort out the overflow. Something. In a better day, a better year, I could have done. But not today.

I collapsed back into bed. Wheezing. Sweating.

Hazel came in.

You're not looking good Johnny she said, concerned about how ill I looked.

I'm fine I croaked, absolutely not fine. But fine as in. It is what it is.

After a bit I decided it was bonkers for me to fix the issues with the tank, even though I knew how to do it. Just. Get a plumber. Straight forward job.

I left it with Hazel. Sorry to dump it on her. Not her problem. Please get a plumber in. 

She did a good job. Sorted it out. I got up halfway through to tell the plumber what to do.

Hazel sorted everything else out. Told me to go back to bed. So I did.

I have half limped around the rest of the day. In bed. Not feeling great. Athena's improvement has lessened the stress. But still a worry. My own super shitty health is its own worry.

Despite everything. Thankfully. The heating seems to now be fully working again. The problems have resolved themselves. And I can wipe that whole ball of shit off my stress list. I still want to do a few things to it. Namely. Clean the system. Drain it down. But not now. Maybe not ever. But on a day I have some strength. And less shit to juggle. Maybe then. Story of my life.

Hazel busied herself ordering in the shopping - something she likes doing. And then put it all away. Another thing I don't have to do. It helps. I need that help I think.

I sat on the sofa this afternoon with Athena cuddled next to me. She wanted to sit next to me. And sleep. I gently stroked her whilst she dozed, and Poppy, jealous, cuddled on my other side, also keen to be close. Hazel sat on the floor. I teared up. Hard. I apologised to Hazel. I am sorry. Sorry for what she said, you have nothing to be sorry for. This is not your problem. Or fight. Thank you for you help. That's ok she said gently. And I gulped down my tears, overwhelmed with everything.

At her best, Hazel is an absolute rock solid friend who will do what's needed. If she was not there, things would be much worse.

She had a bit of her own cry later. Sat on the sofa with me. She leaned in and teared up, crying. I was so stressed she said. I am sorry she said. It's fine. Nothing to be sorry for. It's very hard.

So we have all made it another 24 hours.

An incredibly shitty week. But somethings at least are looking up.

I need to properly sort out my in limbo will.

It needs sorting.