Feb 27

 Athena is a tiny bit better. But still not good. It's a constant worry.

Yesterday I told Hazel straight that I was "not doing good" and probably wouldn't be doing good for a while. I know the signs.

I slept half the day.

Carried Athena downstairs, fed the mutts, made sure she had a loo break and a drink.

I anxietied up hard in the kitchen waiting for her to finish. I can't stay still for long. And I get ill if I stay standing for too long. A mess.

She finished, wandered into the living room, I was going back upstairs. She pondered for a minute, then wanted to come with me. So I carried her back upstairs. Hazel had got up by the time we reached upstairs.

Rest of the day I was quiet. Sleep. Miserable. Athena sneaked downstairs on her own at one point.

In the evening I played our scheduled Monday game which cheered me up a little.

Today is work day.

And my anxiety and depression has kicked in even harder. Mornings are always the worst.

I am very sketchy this morning. Extremely fragile mentally - I started to get teary because I might not be able to find my reading glasses and didn't know how to find them. And I feel terrible. My coping skills have turned to dust. Any new thing, even a minor one, poses an unclimbable mountain.

Left side hearing has gone. Ear appointment this afternoon.

I feel utterly utterly terrible. And I have lost control of my mentals.

Very not good.

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