Feb 9

 Today was a collapse day.

Here's a picture of me today after waking up for the second time. Rested. Ah ha ha. Ha.


 I'd give this a middling score on the How Shit I Look scale. I've had much worse.

I managed to get out today to pick up a minimum of groceries - didn't want to, could feel how borderline shit I was, but did it anyway as I had ordered a memory foam thing for Athena for upstairs. Did that. Couldn't complete the shopping just felt like garbage. Held it together. Came home. Done. Slept for another 5 hours.

In the mail today I got a letter from the NHS addressed to "all residents". It invited me to take part in a trial for blood pressure and general health, so that it could address any future health problems I might suffer from.

I threw it in the bin.

They can't deal with my fucking current health problems, let alone any imagined bullshit future problems by prancing around sending out some bullshit circular to everyone about how they might, maybe, help in future, we'll just take your blood pressure.

Piss taking. Tone deaf. Marketing. Wank.

Deal with your current fucking issues. A report last year highlighted that the NHS was running at its highest ever "excess death" rate, the lovely euphemism for people that have died that could have - should have - been saved. But weren't. Because the NHS fucked up.

But sure. Send out a patronising finger wagging missive to everyone - at great cost - about whether you'd like the NHS to monitor your blood pressure for you. You know what ? You cluster fuck assholes. I can do that myself. At home. I don't need to be paying you £3.75k a year to do a fucking cuff monitor every six months. You wretched imbeciles.

I found the letter sent to me - chronically ill, largely fobbed off by the NHS at this point - offensive. 

Perhaps this is all the NHS is good for now. The equivalent of a band aid for healthcare and an up its own arse, wont be criticised, knows better than you tone.

Whatever.

Fucking quacks.

Whoever is running that show and making decisions needs to be taken out back and shot. There are a lot of caring and good people working for the NHS. It is a great pity then that their combined efforts and management leads them to such a pitiful state of affairs. A waste of resource.

Aside from incendiary anger about the NHS circular. 10/10 PR win there. I have achieved little today. I resented having to rest today. To sleep. I had no choice. I had to wipe today out just to survive. And got nothing done.

Tomorrow I will try and take it easy, put nothing on my to do list. Except I do need to get on top of getting my tests done. And take the mutts out. But we'll see. If necessary I am just going to push it all back. And see where the day takes me. Ho hum. 

I've been watching House of Cards lately on Netflix. Something I never watched at the time. I know it's supposed to be good ( but was then tarnished by Kevin Spacey having got up to no good sexual shenanigans whilst on the show ). It's good. Really good. Enjoying it. Finding something gripping to watch takes some of the sting out of being ill. I can drift into it and out of myself at times.

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